Around and Around it Goes
by randomplotbunny
Summary: He spent his whole long life regretting the deaths of his friends and wishing he could go back and save them- and now he has his chance! But nothing can ever be so easy for one Bilbo Baggins of Bag End. Rated for language in later chapters. Mild Slash, nothing graphic. Discontinued
1. A 2nd Chance

_AN: So... this story came about as I was reading The Hobbit and falling asleep watching Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray, an odd birth to a story but a fun one. _

_I do hope that at least one person out there comes to enjoy this as much as I've come to enjoy writing it, especially when it comes to later chapters and things start getting... weird. _

_Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit in any way, shape or form; only the plot line is mine.**

Bilbo Baggins, son of Bungo Baggins and Belladona Took, grandson of the Thrain of the Shire, sat up in bed with a gasp.

The last thing he remembered was falling asleep next to his beloved nephew Frodo while watching the sunset over the bow of their ship as it made its way to the Undying Lands, and now he was here.

Here in a place that looked not unlike his old bedroom back in the Shire, but... slightly off.

There was his Mother's quilt- her one and only partially successful attempt at sewing, Bungo had refused to let her near a needle or thread afterwards- that Perigrin Took hadhad 'accidentally' set on fire thirteen years ago, and the mirror his poor Frodo broke twenty years ago cutting his hand and finally those curtains... he was sure he hadn't seen that pattern in at least forty or fifty years, not since...

If he didn't know better he would think this was...

Jumping from his bed with an exclamation, and noting the easy movement of normally stiff and achy joints absently in his shock and haste, Bilbo scrambled for the kitchen and the calendar he always kept there.

Six months.

He had somehow been brought back to six months before his Dwarves were to arrive.

He had a chance now to save his friends from their fates! He might even be able to save his precious nephew from having to carry that drated Ring if he was lucky.

With a prayer of thanks to whichever Valor had provided him with this miricle and a Whoop! of joy, Bilbo began planning.

Things would be different this time.

Six months passed quickly and then Gandalf the Grey arrived at Bag End with a merry twinkle in his eye and a surprised gasp on his lips as he found, instead of a stodgy and proper middle aged Hobbit, an adventure hungry Bilbo Baggins who was already prepared for a trip- his excuse being a planned trip to Rivendale to finally meet Elves when asked.

With a wide smile, Bilbo gave a wink to the Wizard and asked if he should prepare dinner for more than himself that night.

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The Dwarves were just as loud and rambunctious as he remembered, Bilbo speculated with a smile as he watched them tear through the veritable feast he'd been working on for days now.

He'd had a moment's hesitation when Fili and Kili had arrived- he'd nearly wept to see their young and _alive _faces again- but had pushed through and now everyone looked to be having a good time.

Jumping slightly at a heavy bang on his door, Bilbo hurried to answer it and confront the Dwarf who had haunted his guilt plagued dreams for so many years.

Swinging the door wide, Bilbo had to bite his tongue to keep quiet as memories of an endless battlefield and ice-blue dying eyes filled his vision and the wailing cries of the injured filled his eyes.

"...lost my way, twice. I wouldn't have found it at all if not for that mark on the door." Bilbo came back to the conversation in time to witness Thorin's overly dramatic entrance.

"Lost? In the Shire? Well, we certainly won't be letting you near a map if that's the case." Bilbo huffed out with a small smile, hoping to forego the insults that had started off their journey the last time.

As Thorin turned incredulous eyes on him, Bilbo simply smiledsmiled wider up at him.

"So... this is the Hobbit."

"And you are a Dwarf, one who has yet to even properly greet his host I might add. Now come along, you must be hungry and I'm sure there's still something left we can find to feed you." Smirking up into those ice-blue- Alive!- eyes as Thorin gritted his teeth against what he had planned to say, Bilbo led the way into the dinning room.

This time around he wasn't going to be cowed by a few glares or grumbles, this time around he was going to enjoy himself as much as the Dwarves would!

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Bilbo gasped as another spasm of pain passed through him from the wound he had received protecting Throin's back during the battle.

His Dwarves- ALL of his Dwarves- were alive, and that was what mattered; he could leave this life- his second life- in peace knowing that.

His foreknowledge had come in very handy on the road, even if his Dwarves hadn't realized it, and had gotten them all to this point with less injuries than the first time.

The Trolls had been easily taken care of with a little manipulation and some well placed arrows from Kili, and he hadn't been able to stop smiling once he held Sting in his hands once more.

Visiting Rivendale had been a bittersweet experience. He had spent the last years of his life in those halls and yet now he was supposed to be there for the first time, friends he had known for years looked upon him with curiosity and no recognition.

If he hadn't gotten used to it with the Dwarves he might have wept.

The Thunder Giants and the Goblin tunnels had given him the most difficulty- especially that long fall into the darkness to confront Gollum and gain the Ring- but he managed. Though he did forego confronting Gollum entirely and simply took the Ring and followed the path he barely remembered, but remembered nonetheless, and got out of there in time to meet up with the Company.

He could have done without the confrontation with Azog, though. Though Thorin's surprise when Bilbo managed to blind the White Warg was almost worth it.

And Mirkwood...

The first time around he'd been so preoccupied with first finding his Dwarves and then finding an escape route that he hadn't really paid much attention to the beauty of the place, but this time he had. It was truly magnificent, far grander than Rivendale in many ways.

But he couldn't say that Smaug had been made better or easier with repetition. The Fire Drake from the North had been just as terrifying the second time around as he had been the first!

And the gold sickness!

He hated to have to betray his friends a second time with that shiny stone just to snap them out of it but it had to be done, and now he lay in one of the healing tents with a wound too grievous to heal but with the satisfying knowledge that his Dwarves were all alive and well and would stay that way.

They were there with him now, holding his hands and stroking his brow; promising that he would always be remembered as a hero of Erebor.

Bilbo had passed the Ring off to Radagast before they had arrived, trusting that the plant loving Wizard could handle the cursed bit of gold and saving his Frodo from having to ever even see it.

With a feeling of contentment at a job well done and a second life well spent, Bilbo Baggins breathed his last; one of the countless casualties of the Battle of Five Armies...

With a gasp, Bilbo Baggins, son of Bungo Baggins and Belladona Took, grandson of the Thrain, sat up in his bed back in his old bedroom back in the Shire.

Pushing the blankets off himself he raced for the kitchen and the calendar he kept there.

One year.

He had one whole year to wait before the Quest for Erebor was to begin.

Running a hand through his sleep tossled curls, Bilbo had only one thought pass through his mind.

_Just what in the name of Yavanna was going on?_


	2. A 3rd

_AN: Hey there! I just want to say I am blown away by all the favs and follows this story has gotten in such a short time. You all just made my day!_

_Now, I have gotten some raised brows concerning the plot and I just want to assure everyone that there will be a valid reason Bilbo keeps repeating his life- and it has nothing(well, maybe a tinsy bit... eventually) to do with the Ring- but I'm not spoiling the surprise further than that. _

_Now on to Chapter Two!_

**Disclaimer: J. R. R. Tolkien created The Hobbit and as I am not him or one of his defendants then you can be sure that I do not own it.**

Bilbo Baggins, through dent of being highly stubborn, managed to get through the journey to Erebor unscathed for a third time- though it had been a near thing on occasion, especially when it came to Thorin.

Who knew that Dwarves could be so... _annoying _when traveling with them for a third time?!

What had been mind boggling and aggravating the first time had become endearing the second time and now that it was the third time all he wanted to do was bang his head against a wall!

Or maybe someone else's.

Thorin in particular was the subject of these thoughts far more than the others, and Bilbo had on more than one occasion contemplated telling the large oaf exactly what happened in his previous lives just to wipe that arrogant look from the royal Dwaf's pompous face.

But Bilbo resisted these urges and carried on as if everything was fine, and if he took a more than appropriate delight anytime he managed to surprise their fine leader with his skill with a sword or his ability to take on three trolls alone and survive then no-one could blame him.

By the time they reached the Lonely Mountain and took out Samug- still terrifying, repetition was not helping to make it less so- and had won the battle afterwards- Bilbo had ducked this time, it left Thorin with a deep cut on his shoulder but that was preferable to dying before he could dispose of the Ring(he was positively certain that he needed to do so himself in order to quit this repeating)- Bilbo was absolutely SICK of Dwarves.

So instead of asking them for help in reaching Mordor, Bilbo grabbed Gandalf and Radagast and headed for the Elves' camp; more specifically, to King Thranduil's tent.

And, amazingly, what he had to say was rather well received; at least by most.

"And you didn't tell me about any of this _before _we began our journey? Why, pray tell, not?!" Gandalf asked with a thunderous expression while eyeing Bilbo's pocket where he now knew the cursed ring resided.

"Would you have believed me? I've lived through this all before and _I _barely believe it!" Bilbo defended and Gandalf's face instantly melted into a look of affection.

"Oh, Bilbo, of course I would have believed you. Now that I know to look I can see that your soul is far older than your body, and that is not something easily faked."

"Well, how was I supposed to know that? You Wizards don't exactly go around educating us poor mortals in this sort of thing, so I had to do what I knew would work before bringing the proof of my claim to your attention. Besides, if you knew everything before hand you might have tried to stop me, and I couldn't allow that. I'm fairly certain I'll keep repeating my life until _I'm _the one to destroy the Ring." Bilbo then huffed and crossed his arms while the Grey Wizard gave a chuckle and shook his head.

"Will you Hobbits ever cease to amaze me?" As Bilbo gave a hesitant smile back, hoping he might have Gandalf's friendship in this lifetime as he had had in his first- if he survived, of course- a throat clearing drew attention back to the other three people in the room.

"Your reasons for keeping secrets aside, we still must plan what to do now that you have come forward. The White Council will be no help in this, not while the traitor Saruman sits upon it. So what would you have us do, Master Baggins?" Pinned in place by the intense stare of the Elven King, Bilbo flushed and stuttered his way through an explanation of what he thought they should do.

"I-I th-think that a small group could get to Mount Doom sight unseen, e-especially if there were a... distraction happening elsewhere." Blushing darker as all eyes continued to stare at him, Bilbo lowered his eyes and waited for the more experienced minds to come up with a better plan.

"That is a surprisingly sound plan, Halfling." Thranduil said blandly with a far off look before meeting Gandalf's eye, they shared a moment of commiseration as each understood what the other was likely to do to see the World rid of this evil.

"Father-" Legolas began to volunteer to escort Bilbo to Mordor but was cut off by his father before he could fully voice his request.

"Legolas, you will oversee the Court while I am away and assist Mithrandir with anything he might need as to cause a sufficient distraction, but you are to under no circumstances go with him to storm Saruman's strong hold." Standing to his impressive height, Thranduil turned to Radagast who had stood in a near daze since the discussion had begun.

"I take it you shall accompany us?" The Brown Wizard started from his musings and gave a wide grin to Bilbo as he answered the King.

"Of course! Of course! I wouldn't miss this for the end of the world, which it might well turn out to be." Radagast then made his way out of the tent to begin preparing his rabbits for the long journey.

Bilbo stood staring up at the Elven King in shock as Thranduil looked down on him cooly.

"Y-you're- _You _are taking me to Mordor?" Bilbo managed to squeak when he finally found his voice, which earned him a smirk from the tall blonde.

"Indeed, Master Baggins. I would not trust this mission to any other. I suggest you return to your tent now and rest, we shall leave at first light." And that was how Bilbo came to find himself rinding before an Elf King on a fleetfooted Elk and being closely followed by a crazed looking Wizard on a sled being pulled by bunnies as the sun crested the horizon.

"Mithrandir... They will be alright, won't they?" Legolas asked the Grey Wizard as he watched the mottley band quickly pass out of sight.

"My boy, your father is one of the greatest warriors alive; and if he has any say in the matter then they shall all return as safely as they left. Now I must be off, I have a White Wizard to deal with before he knows anything is happening or that he's being used as a distraction from the important work." With that, Legolas was left alone; a prayer to Eru on his lips for the easy resolution of this endeavor.

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It took nearly a month of near constant travel before their goal was in sight, and in that time Bilbo came to appreciate his companions in ways he never thought to before.

Radagast, the Hobbit found, was a veritable fount of information on the little known and fairly odd uses of plants- everything from healing properties to cosmetic to edibility- when you got him talking.

And Thranduil, Bilbo found once he got past the Elf's icy outer persona, had a wicked and sharp sense of humor and a deep love and compassion for his people. There was many a night the two spent sitting in deep yet pleasant conversation next to the campfire, discussing everything from how much they were willing to sacrifice for those they cared for to their favorite foods.

By the time they reached the Smoking Mountains that surrounded Mordor they were on familiar terms(using each others first names and no titles) and Bilbo found himself blushing everytime Thranduil would wrap an arm around him for support as they rode and hoping that his new and hard-won friend didn't notice.

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Bilbo had known things were going too well when they managed to sneak across the desolate plains before Mount Doom with no problems, and considering how bad things became so quickly he almost wished they'd had a harder time of it just to even things out!

The Mountain was exploding and dissolving around them in turns, as were the rest of the lands as far as the eye could see.

The heat was oppressive and the air a thick soup of ash, even worse than it had been as the had made their way to the Mountain.

And Thranduil, standing tall and unswayed by the rippling lands, beckoned him to move faster as they had to move quickly to escape.

Bilbo saw the flying, falling rock as if in slow motion as it headed straight for his Elf. Acting on instinct, the same instinct that had him chasing thirteen Dwarves out his Smial door, Bilbo slammed himself into Thranduil's knees with all his might and knocked the Elf out of the flying stone's path- and himself into it.

The crushing, searing pain that seemed to encompass his entire being lasted only a moment before blessed darkness took him away.

When next he awoke, Bilbo was swaddled in blankets in what could only be a private room in Mirkwood. And with that realization came the realization that he had to have been asleep for quite some time.

"Two months, one week and four days. I quite believe that makes young Ori the winner of the betting pool on when you would awaken." Looking to his right, Bilbo found Gandalf sitting by his bedside smoking a pipe and with a twinkle in his eye.

"You know, you did the same thing as this to my nephew Frodo when he was brought low from carrying that blasted bit of gold." The Grey Wizard merely raised a brow at Bilbo's pronouncement and continued to puff away on his pipe.

Sitting up in bed, or at least attempting to, the Hobbit realized how weak he was.

"Well, I really should know better than to lay in bed for so long, it makes me tired." Gandalf dutifully chuckled at the weak joke before they lapsed back into silence once more.

"Gandalf? How is..." Bilbo cut himself off and changed his question, unsure if he could stand a negative reply if told one or both of his companions hadn't made it. "How did you fair?" With a weary sigh the Wizard set aside his pipe.

"Saruman... did not deny anything once confronted. He is no more." Giving a sad but supporting smile to his long time- and hopefully one day will be again- friend, Bilbo attempted to sit up again; and this time he noticed that only one of his legs seemed to be working to help him do so.

Throwing the blankets off, Bilbo looked down in shock as he only found one leg there where there should be two.

"What..."

"Do you recall pushing me from the path of a flying rock?" Thranduil asked as he stepped out of the shadows where he had been watching, when Bilbo nodded the Elven King continued.

"Instead of my head the rock hit your leg, crushing it. By the time we were far enough away from Mordor to be safe and able to give you treatment it was too late to save it... I truly am sorry, Bilbo." Blushing at the sincerity in Thranduil's eyes, Bilbo didn't notice when Gandalf discreetly left.

"Your Majesty..." Bilbo began only to be cut off by a gentle finger on his lips, causing him to blush more.

"I've asked you to call me Thranduil, do not make me repeat my request." Bilbo didn't know what to say and so stayed silent as he was carefully tucked back under his blankets.

When he was done, Thranduil drew back slightly to look the smaller male full on.

"Bilbo, I have a proposition for you if you are interested. One that would keep you here in Mirkwood and see you cared for as you deserve." Bilbo looked up curiously at that, happy at the prospect of staying in the magical Kingdom and learning all its secrets.

"Oh? What is it?" Instead of answering directly, Thranduil leaned down and pressed a feather-light kiss to Bilbo's lips.

"Become my Consort. There is no more perfect person than you to stand by my side and see my people as well cared for as they should be." The Elven King whispered, looking deep into the startled Hobbit's eyes.

When Bilbo began to stutter out an inarticulate reply, shocked at this turn of events, Thranduil's face fell before going blank.

As the Elf began to pull back, Bilbo panicked.

Grabbing a pointed eye in each hand, Bilbo pulled the larger being forward and into a far deeper kiss that their previous one.

And so Bilbo stayed in Mirkwood and became Thranduil's Consort and lived happily ever after to the end of his days.

When he finally passed on at the ripe old age of One Hundred and Two he was pleased that this, his third and final life, had been filled with just as much happiness as his first one...

Sitting up in his old bed back in the Shire, Bilbo had to hold back tears as he realized it had happened again.

_Why did this keep happening?! _He silently screamed.


	3. A 4th

_AN: First off I just want to say I am so, so sorry for having just left you all hanging for so long. I was having some work done on my house and lost my internet for a while- not to mention being incredibly frustrated that a predicted one week project ended up taking a month._

_ I truly am VERY sorry. I hope this next chapter makes up for it at least in part. Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I so do not own.**

Bilbo took another look around the crowded tavern before deciding to call it a night, it was obviously going to be another disappointing day with no sign of the Grey Wizard.

Maybe he should just head to Rivendell and talk with Elrond instead, Bilbo thought as he began squirming to get out of the Man sized chair.

"Bilbo Baggins! As I live and breath. Is that really you?" Asked the Istari Bilbo had been asking for for the past several weeks as he took a seat opposite the small Hobbit.

"Gandalf." Bilbo huffed tiredly. It was just like the Wizard to show up just when he was about to give up.

"I have much to discuss with you, old friend, but not here where prying ears can overhear."

"Oh?" Bilbo just wanted lean over and smack that inscrutable look off the Wizard's face but refrained through sheer force of will, it wouldn't do to upset his old friend before he had gained the help he needed.

"Yes. Perhaps if you'd take a closer look at my Soul..." Bilbo saw the exact moment when Gandalf realized that something important indeed needed discussing: the Wizard's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

Repressing a snicker that was wholly inappropriate for a Hobbit his age- almost a hundred and ninety now, an incredible number no other Hobbit had ever reached- Bilbo finished maneuvering out of his chair and began leading the way up to his room.

"Perhaps I should start at the beginning?" Bilbo asked politely once they were settled. At Gandalf's nod he began.

Bilbo first told about how this was his fourth time living the same life, his third repeat of his original life.

"And it just won't stop! Do you have any idea how agrivating this is?!"

And then went into details of what had happened in those other lives.

"And I've come to the conclusion that it's nothing to do with me, Thorin is just an ass to everyone!"

He wrapped up his tale- one he was surprised the Istari had remained quiet for- with his having awakened once again in his Smial, only this time a year and half before the Quest for Erebor was to begin.

"I seem to be going back further each time I repeat." Bilbo wrapped up as he absently rubbed at his right leg, the one he had lost in his previous life and had taken him nearly two months to get used to having again- though he still found himself limping on it at times, especially if stressed(or reminded of his recently left life in any way)- and then looked up at his old friend who was contemplating him with an intense gaze.

Bilbo wanted to ask what thoughts were passing through the Wizard's mind. He wanted to inquire about any thoughts the Grey Pilgrim had on his plight now that they had ruled out that it wasn't the Ring and a need for _him_ to be the one to destroy it that was causing him to relive his life over and over.

Bilbo really did want to ask these questions, he really did, but when he opened his mouth a different set of questions popped out.

"He's not my husband any longer is he? Thranduil... _My __Thranduil_, he's gone and the one sitting in Mirkwood is just an Elf that could have been him but... but never will be." Bilbo kept his gaze on his hands and so missed the softening of the Wizard's expression.

"My dear boy... Where there is life there is hope, so do not give up on him so quickly." Bilbo looked back up in time to receive a gently encouraging smile before Gandalf became serious again.

"But before pleasure must come business. Are you certain you can retrieve the Ring from were it lays even out of the timeline you are familiar with?" At Bilbo's nod Gandalf grunted his approval before taking out his pipe and settling down to plan.

"So tell me again about your first life, my boy, especially the part about Saruman if you would." And so the night passed with Gandalf questioning Bilbo and Bilbo giving all the answers he could recall.

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"I am not your husband, Halfling. Whatever may have occurred in your 'previous life' to make it so shall not be reoccurring in this one, so do not hold out hope for it." Bilbo hung his head in resignation as he watched his husband- not husband, once perhaps but no longer; and never would be again it seemed- walk away from him without a backwards glance after having listened to his story.

"Bilbo..." Gandalf attempted a comforting hand on the Hobbit's shoulder but knew that there was really nothing he could do to help in this situation.

After their meeting in Bree, Gandalf had whisked the young, but so old on the inside, Hobbit away to first find the One Ring and then to destroy it; which they had, rather easily it could be said.

Bilbo had had no problems finding the correct cave entrance to get down to the creature Gollum's lagoon, and though Gandalf did not know the details of what occurred down there- he having been far to big to squeeze through many of those tunnels- it was obvious it had been a bloody occasion as Bilbo had come back to the surface with many cuts and scratches and a bloody sword- they had picked up Sting and Glamdring(they left Orcrist until they could return for it, with the trolls once again dead it wasn't likely to go anywhere) along the way- but thankfully with the Ring in hand, or pocket as it were.

After the reacquisition of the Ring it was just a matter of asking the Great Eagles for help in getting to Mordor as quickly as possible; and then escaping the fire-storm Mordor became unscathed, of course.

But after all of this, at Bilbo's insistence, they had traveled to Mirkwood before anywhere else so that the Hobbit could see for himself if he had any hope of regaining his husband.

He did not.

And though he had been prepared for this- he knew his husband(not-husband, he told himself) well after all- it still tore his heart in two.

"Just take me home, Gandalf, get me out of here. Please." No more was said between the two as they left the Kingdom of Mirkwood behind and made for Rivendell and the meeting of the White Counsel being called there.

As they traveled Bilbo hoped against hope that the White Counsel- though coming together to discuss Mordor and what had happened there, and one member short(apparently Lady Galadriel had taken... acute acceptation to Saruman's betrayal when she learned of it)- would be able to do something to stop his continuous repeating as he didn't think he could take the heartache if it continued.

When they reached Rivendell and he was told that there was a spell that should ensure his complete passage to Yavanna's Garden upon his death the small Hobbit was ecstatic, but then the spell was cast... it was a pain like he had never felt before in all his long life, and he hoped to never have to feel it again.

It took Bilbo a month to recover from the spell casting, though he would admit to enjoying the time spent in Rivendell and confusing many an Elf by knowing more about them than he really should have admitted to knowing, but finally he was heading home.

Gandalf was kind enough to walk Bilbo all the way to his round green door before parting with a wink that set the Hobbit's nerves on edge, and then there was nothing but time.

Months passed and Winter began to thaw into Spring and Bilbo started to become antsy.

With the threat of the Ring and its dark Master gone there really was no reason for the Dwarves to attempt to oust Smaug and take back Erebor, so there really was no reason for the Dwarves to come looking for a Burglar.

But Bilbo just knew- if Gandalf had any say in the matter- that they would and so made sure to stuff his pantry full to bursting in preparation of the big Day, as well as acquiring the ingredients for something that... well, it would make dealing with Smaug a whole lot easier if it worked like it was supposed to.

And, in due time, they did come... just not when he was expecting them to.

They were three days early.

"You're early!" Bilbo shouted before he could stop himself as he opened his door to a sea of Dwarves, though the confused looks on all the Dwarves' faces at his outburst was priceless.

"Come now, Bilbo, is that anyway to speak to old friends?" Gandalf chuckled as he weaved his way in-between Dwarves and into the small dwelling, though Bilbo was more focused on the confused expressions the Dwarves were sporting.

"You didn't tell them, did you?" It wasn't really a question.

"Indeed not. I thought you should have the honor of telling your own tale." Bilbo just shook his head at the Wizard.

"And you couldn't have given me any warning that you were coming?"

"My dear Bilbo, you've lived these events three times over already. What more warning do you need?" At this the Dwarves looked even more confused and so Bilbo took pity on them.

"Come on in, all of you. The dinning room is just around that corner and the pantry is the door across from it, make yourselves at home." When no-one moved he leveled them with his best glare- learned from Thorin in his first life and refined with constant practice on an Elf King in his third- and pointed down the hall.

"Move!" Bilbo liked to think that they wouldn't have moved any faster if it had been Thorin himself doing the glaring.

As the rest of the group went off in search of food a single white-haired Dwarf hesitated at the back, leveling Bilbo with a questioning gaze.

"Go on, Master Balin, get something to eat. I promise to explain everything later once Thorin arrives; I only really want to go over this once." With a nod, though he was obviously startled that Bilbo knew his name, Balin filed after his retreating kin. Bilbo turned to glare up at the Wizard who grinned unrepentantly.

"You missed them, even if you refused to admit it." Huffing out his annoyance at the meddlesome Wizard, and ignoring the chuckles this caused the taller male, Bilbo went off to try and restore some semblance of order to his Smial.

In no time at all a serious dent had been put in his well stocked pantry and all his Dwarves were stuffed too full to move.

"Dessert?" Bilbo asked with a wicked grin, one that only grew wider as most of the Dwarves groaned at the mere thought of more food. Even poor Bombur only looked half interested in the idea.

There was a heavy knock on his door.

"Now don't any of you get up, I'll just be a minute." Chuckling at the half-hearted glares he received for his tease, Bilbo went to go greet his last guest of the night.

"So, you're the Hobbit..." Thorin trailed off as he realized he didn't have his expected audience.

"And you're the Dwarf. Introductions made. Now get in here and stop acting like a pompous ass, it doesn't suit you half as well as you think it does." With that Bilbo turned on his heel and returned to the dinning room, leaving a slack-jawed Dwarf King standing in his open doorway.

"And shut that door! You're letting all the heat out!"

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"He speaks the truth?" Thorin asked Gandalf after Bilbo had finished his tale, all of it; it had taken most of the night.

"Every word as far as I've been able to find." And though the older set still held onto their doubts the younger ones threw caution to the wind.

"You really knew us all before?"

"You really destroyed the One Ring- twice?!"

"If you know the future then who am I going to marry?"

"Kili!"

"What?"

"An Elf."

"**WHAT?!**" Bilbo smirked at the looks he received from most of the Company, though the looks of pure panicked horror on Thorin's face was the best.

"Kili married an Elf in my last life. She was- is- a guard in Mirkwood." Taking a slow sip of his nightcap, Bilbo pondered continuing. Oh well, he mused, in for a penny in for a pound.

"The union received blessings from both the King of Mirkwood, the King of Dale and... Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain." The sound of a Dwarven back thumping onto the floor in a dead faint was the only noise to be heard after that announcement.

Deciding that that was enough revelations for the night, Bilbo excused himself and went to bed.

"I marry an Elf? Do you think she's pretty?"

"Does it matter, brother? When Uncle wakes up he's sure to forbid you from going anywhere NEAR an Elf, let alone marrying one."

"Ahhh..."

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The next night- because of Bilbo's foreknowledge the Company decided that they could relax one extra day in the Shire, it had nothing to do with the fact that Thorin didn't wake from his faint until mid-morning they can assure you- Bilbo found himself alone in his sitting room with Thorin as the rest of the Company cleaned out the last of the food from the very back of his pantry- he really had stuffed it as full as he could.

"I really gave in to the Madness?" Thorin asked quietly as he gazed deeply into the flickering flames in the hearth.

"Everytime so far. It's the Arkenstone's fault, really. You get so focused on how pretty it is you lose track of everything else." Thorin huffs indignantly at that.

"If it's any consolation, you make an amazing King once you get over it. Even Thranduil admits... admitted to it." It's now Bilbo's turn to gaze unseeingly into the flames, not even noticing as he rubs his hand against his once missing leg.

"You miss him." The surprisingly gentle tone from the normally gruff Dwarf pulls Bilbo back from his musings.

"Yes... but not so much in the way you mean it." At Thorin's questioning look, Bilbo elaborated.

"I miss my husband, I miss the Elf I fell in love with and next to whom I grew old. But Thranduil now... the Elf King sitting on the Throne of Mirkwood right now is not my husband, he is someone different. My husband is gone, just as surely as if he were dead or simply never was. I have... worked hard to accept that." A soft touch on his wrist, stopping him as he continued to massage a muscle that had no reason to hurt but yet still did, drew the Hobbit's gaze back to his companion.

Bilbo was staggered by the sympathy he saw in Thorin's eyes, such a look had never been leveled at him from the Dwarf King before; and especially not when Thranduil was in any part of the conversation.

"You... have lost a lot, haven't you. With every lifetime you are forced to relive you lose everything you had before." Bilbo tried to pull away but Thorin held firm.

"It's not as bad as all that..." Thorin's look of understanding and compassion silenced Bilbo's demurrals.

"If that is true then you are by far the strongest person I could ever hope to meet. I look forward to getting to know you better on this journey." Standing up, Thorin gave Bilbo a short bow and went to salvage some dinner from his ravenous companions.

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The journey to Erebor was rather uneventful- compared to Bilbo's previous attempts that is- and with no need to stop at Rivendale or run from Orcs- most had died when Mordor fell and many more when Gundabad collapsed under the death throes of the Necromancer as the Ring dissolved- they made good time.

There was one awkward moment in Mirkwood when they were caught and taken to see Thranduil, but it passed quickly as they were practically thrown out. The Dwarves all seemed very understanding when Bilbo's limp made a sudden reappearance after that disastrous encounter with his former husband, Thorin even went so far as to try and engage him in light conversation to distract him.

It fell flat, but the sentiment was appreciated.

Once they reached Erebor, two weeks early, it was time for Bilbo to put his plan into motion. And also to tell his companions about it.

"You carried a powerful poison all this way? What were you thinking?!" Thorin yelled angrily, though Bilbo could see the worry underlying the gruffness. Bilbo gave a mental shake to his head, it had only taken him four lifetimes but he was finally starting to get the hang of reading the Dwarf king.

"It's not poison! At least, it won't be until I've mixed the two ingredients together. And I was thinking that I could kill Smaug while he still sleeps rather than get chased by that fire-breathing Drake again!" Thorin had the decency to look abashed at that, though it didn't last long.

"And how were you planning to get in? The Door will not open until Durin's Day, and that is still weeks away."

"There is a small, Hobbit sized hole in the front Gates. It goes all the way through. I found it my last, no, two lifetimes ago? Whichever one I died in! But it is there and I am going in to face the beast- again." No-one tried to stop him, they had all learned the hard way that when the Hobbit was determined about something to just get out of his way, and so Bilbo slipped quietly into the Lonely Mountain and out of their sight.

As Bilbo stopped just outside the doors to the treasury to mix the caustic liquids together, capping the mixture quickly as it turned to gas and became deadly, that would form a potent poison he'd learned about in his previous life a the Consort of Mirkwood he sent a prayer to the Valar that this would work.

He really, REALLY hated being chased by Smaug.

It never stopped being terrifying.

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"HA! HA! HA! Poison?! (cough) How... ingenious...(gasp) You... little thing...(wheeze) are truly(gasp)...(cough) truly... something...(gasp) special...(cough) Perhaps...(wheeze) next...(cough) ti..."

Bilbo stared in morbid and fascinated awe as the giant Dragon breathed its last and finally lay still, its nearest eye- which had been focused completely on the small Hobbit- glazing over in death.

He had done it!

He had killed Smaug!

And he hadn't had to run for his life even once!

Racing out to tell his Dwarves the good news, Smaug's dying words slipping his mind completely, Bilbo couldn't stop grinning.

Smaug was dead, there were not enough Orcs left to wage war, Thorin was making a true effort to be aware of himself enough so he wouldn't slip into the Madness and he'd been assured by the greatest powers in the land that this life would be his last.

Things couldn't get better!

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Things couldn't get worse!

Thorin had slipped into the Madness even with everyone- at the King's insistence- keeping eyes on him and warning him when he began to slip.

Now food was running low, Thorin refused to let anyone leave to get supplies, everyone was exhausted from being hounded about that stupid 'Stone and Bilbo couldn't even say 'I told you so' because he had already told them all so!

Rubbing his temples as his headache threatened to split his skull open, Bilbo decided that he'd had enough.

Heading down to the treasury it didn't take long to locate the Dwarf King.

Picking up something as he walked, not even really looking at what it was just so long as it was heavy and blunt, Bilbo came up behind the royal Dwarf and tapped him on the shoulder causing the Dwarf to turn.

"Ah, Bilbo, good of you to join- _Twang!_" Thud.

Every Dwarf in the treasury looked at Bilbo in shock.

"Who makes a solid gold frying pan?" Bilbo asked no-one in particular as he finally realized what he'd picked up.

"Ugh!" Thorin groaned before anyone could answer the Hobbit.

"How are you feeling, Thorin?" Bilbo asked at his sweetest while readying his golden pan for another blow if he didn't get the answer he wanted.

"Like I've been struck in the head! What happened?!" Thorin sat up and Bilbo took a step back, readying to give another blow.

"Thorin, what's more important: your nephews or gold?" Rubbing his temples, Thorin didn't even look up to see the danger he was in.

"Gold will never be as important as family. Now what happened?" Dropping his golden frying pan with a happy smile, Bilbo turned on his heel and made his way out of the treasury while whistling a happy tune.

Thorin finally looked up.

He then glared at the Company as they still stood in silent shock.

"What are you all looking at?!"

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Bilbo was eventually convinced to stay in Erebor where he would stay the remainder of his days.

He was named Dwarf friend and practically adopted into the royal family- Dis was particularly affectionate after her sons told her about his amazing ability to right a King's lost senses, even if it was with a decorative cooking utensil- and so was allowed to learn all the secrets Dwarves hold dear- their secret language, writings, everything.

It took many years but eventually Bilbo was able to make peace with his broken heart and was able to start up a tentative friendship with his once husband, one he used to help negotiate a treaty between Erebor and Mirkwood on Thorin's behalf so that the two Kings never had to face each other again.

At the age of ninty-seven Bilbo took ill. He never recovered.

The last words he spoke before falling into a deep sleep never rise again were: "I have lived far longer than any other Hobbit and have seen things, learned things, that no-one else in the Shire could even dream of. I am content, my friends."

Slipping away quietly in his sleep, Bilbo expected to wake up in the great Gardens of Yavanna. But...

Sitting up with a gasp, Bilbo looked around his bedroom.

His bedroom in Bag End.

He didn't even need to consult a calendar to know he had been sent back two whole years before the quest, and that thought above all others set him off.

Letting fly with some very... creative curses- many of which would have made a Dwarf blush- Bilbo began to throw a tantrum to rival even the most fussy of fauntlings.

"It's not fair! It's not fair! I actually WANT to die! To cross over! Why? Why? Why am I stuck here?!"


	4. 5th

_AN: Chapter warning: Major angst related to character death at the end. _

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you may recognize.**

After Bilbo finally wound down from his impressive tantrum he lay still in his bed and contemplated his curved ceiling.

Two years.

Two years before anything was supposed to happen, unless he went out and changed things again.

Two years to contemplate all he had lost... again.

And what was with the whole 'slipping back six more months each time' thing? Ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous.

Heaving an impressive sigh, Bilbo pulled himself from his bed and headed to his kitchen- keeping eyes averted from the calendar in case it set him off again- and made himself some tea while he thought.

Gandalf's magic had failed, and there was no way he would put himself through that agony again when it was obviously more guess work at play than anything else, and so what other options did he have?

Sipping at his perfectly blended tea- that had been the one true drawback to living with his Dwarves, he could never count on a steady supply of his favorite teas- and grabbing a day old but still fresh muffin- food had never remained fresh for long in Mirkwood, he remembered, it always had had to be eaten right away or it would go bad or become too stale to eat very quickly- Bilbo tried to think of what to do next.

He could seek out Gandalf again, explain everything that had happened and that the Wizards magic had failed so they were back to square one.

Perhaps he could visit Rivendell and gain Lord Elrond's help directly, the Elf seemed to know more than Gandalf did anyway.

Or maybe he should go find his Dwarves, he was sure he could convince Thorin and everyone that his story was true- he'd been privy to enough embarrassing family secrets while living with them that he was sure no-one would doubt his word.

With a snort the Hobbit even considered trying to figure out what was happening all on his own. But that would never work, he told himself, as he had no magical knowledge of his own.

Shaking his head- he had too many options to sort through, and his day had already been stressful enough as it was- Bilbo finished his tea and went to have a smoke on his front bench.

That was another thing he had missed in his previous two lifetimes: being able to just wander outside whenever he liked and have a quiet and peaceful smoke. Giving a heartfelt sigh- he felt he'd been doing that a lot since he woke up- Bilbo shook off such thoughts and tried to relax.

He realized he wasn't doing too good a job of it if even his passing gardener noticed how tense he was.

"Good morning, Mr. Bilbo. Everything alright?" Bilbo coughed a moment, choking on his smoke, having been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't realized anyone had been near.

"Good morning, Hamfast. Everything is perfectly fine. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason, really. It's just, you seemed in deep thought over something less than pleasant, if you don't mind my saying so." Bilbo laughed at that while thinking 'You really have no idea'.

"It was nothing, I assure you. Just... thinking about when my Sackville-Baggins relatives are likely to darken my door again. Need to be prepared! Ha! Ha!" Hamfast joined him in his laughter this time and seemed appeased by this explanation.

"Aye, I can see how such thoughts could take a poor turn; but you shouldn't let them take up all your time. Thinking about bad things- or relatives- will surely bring them right to your door, you mark my words!"

"I'll do that, Hamfast, I promise."

"Good. Well... I must be off. Good morning, Mr. Bilbo."

"Good morning, Hamfast." Watching his gardener walk away with not a care in the World beyond pulling the next weed, Bilbo had a sudden epiphany.

Everything he remembered would happen anyway, so why should he dwell on it?

It had been too long since he'd been just a simple Hobbit of the Shire, living without a care in the World- and with no reputation of being a Mad Baggins following him- so perhaps he should take this opportunity to just sit back and relax. He could explain everything to Gandalf when the Wizard arrived, and until then...

Bilbo Baggins of the repeating life would simply sit back and be Bilbo Baggins of Bag End- at least, for the next two years. He still had to protect his friends when the time came, after all.

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Bilbo opened his eyes when a shadow fell across him and smiled widely at the towering figure before him.

"Gandalf! Just the Wizard I was expecting. Do come in, won't you? We have much to discuss!" Without waiting for a response from the Grey Wizard, Bilbo led the way into his Smial; Gandalf following but a moment later.

If anyone had been walking along the road just outside of Bag End not too long after the two figures disappeared inside they would have heard a very startled Wizard yelling 'What?!' at the top of his lungs, followed closely by peels of Hobbity laughter.

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When the Dwarves arrived latter that night they were to find a warm Smial, lots of good food, a disgruntled Wizard and a host with a very unusual story. By the time Thorin arrived half the Company had been embarrassed by stories Bilbo had learned in his last life and the other half were egging him on to tell more, they were all also laden down with extra gold Bilbo had recently acquired from a Troll hoard- he'd gotten bored just sitting around and being respectable and so had decided to go on a little adventure all on his own, it had been surprisingly easy.

It wasn't until he went to tell Thorin everything he'd already told the Company about his repeating his life that Bilbo realized his mistake: he'd forgotten how much Thorin hated being out of the loop, even for a short while, on _anything_.

With a sinking heart, Bilbo realized he'd have to fight an uphill battle to gain Thorin's friendship, like he had in his three lifetimes.

Even presenting the gruff Dwarf with Orcrist didn't thaw his attitude problem.

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The journey went... well, Bilbo decided. They were able to bypass the roving Orc hunting parties since they now knew they were there- Azog would have no way now of knowing where they were or when they reached the Lonely Mountain- and, since they had no need to travel to Rivendell, they made good time passing through the Misty Mountains- even with the small delay that happened when Gandalf insisted Bilbo go collect the Ring.

Thorin even seemed to warm up to Bilbo after they managed to passed through Mirkwood unscathed, sitting by the Hobbit at supper and even trying to engage him in light conversation, and it warmed Bilbo's heart to know he would once again have Thorin's friendship; especially since they had nearly been named brothers by Dis in his last life.

And so now Bilbo found himself, once again, climbing through the crumbling front gates or Erebor to poison a Dragon.

At least this time he knew it would work.

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Poison! (cough) How... ingenious... (gasp)"

"You said that last time." Bilbo mumbled, slightly irked to now have Smaug repeating himself when he also had to deal with Dwarves and a Wizard doing it time from time, and got a surprising reaction for his half-complaint.

"Last(gasp) time? (wheeze) But...(gasp) the... spell...(cough) It... was...(gasp) to... keep... you..." Bilbo stood in shock at what he'd just heard even as the great beast breathed its last.

Had Smaug just... admitted to being behind his repeating his life? Had it been the Dragon all along who was at fault for all of this?

Running back outside, Bilbo immediately told Gandalf what he'd just learned- as well as informing the Dwarves that the Mountain was now Dragon free.

"Dragon magic? That is very rare... Well now, that explains much; including why my spell in your last life did not work. If only there was a way to learn more about the original spell used..." Gandalf trailed off in thought for a long moment before coming back to himself with a sharp shake of his head and looking down at the Hobbit by his side.

"It may take some time before we are able to break this spell, my boy, but I promise you that we shall do it. But for now we have a quest to prepare for, one that we must embark on before the dark forces realize what we plan." Bilbo sighed and nodded, the destruction of the Ring must come before his cure he knew.

That night, Bilbo awoke to the feel of someone's hands searching his pockets and a whispered voice above him.

"Where is it? Where is it?!" Opening his eyes, Bilbo drew in a startled breath as he saw that Thorin, with glazed and gold-mad eyes, was the one trying to steal the Ring- which Bilbo had secretly hidden away in the depths of Gandalf's pack for just this sort of occasion, though he'd hoped it would never come to this.

"Thorin? Snap out of it. What do you think you are doing?!" Bilbo was yelling by the end as Thorin's search became less careful and more forceful as he realized that Bilbo was awake and didn't have the Ring.

"Where is it, Halfling?! It is mine! You owe it to me for bring you on this quest! _Give it to me!_" Thorin ranted nonsensically as he began beating the Hobbit, too far gone to realize he was hitting far too hard on the small body below him.

"Thorin! What are you doing?!" Bilbo heard Bofur yell, though he couldn't seem to turn his head to look at the miner. Everything had gone all... strange and distant for the Hobbit.

"He has what's mine! _I will have it!_"

"U-uncle? Oh, Mahal... Uncle, what have you done?" Bilbo wanted to comfort Kili, who sounded so lost for some reason but he couldn't seem to get the energy up to do so. And why did his mouth taste of copper? Things weren't making any sense. And why was Thorin yelling about thieves and making a search? They hadn't even set foot in Erebor yet, it was far too soon for the Madness have to set in.

"My dear Bilbo, I am so sorry." Gandalf was suddenly there in his line of sight, blocking out everything else- What had the Dwarves been yelling about again?- but looking very sad. Bilbo tried to say something to help make his friend happy again but all that came out was a sort of gurgley noise. Was that his voice?

"I should have realized something like this might happen. The call of the Ring mixed with his awareness of it... Thorin never stood a chance of fighting the Madness or its Call." Was that what had happened? Thorin went Mad because of the Ring? Well, this could be fixed; just let him grab a frying pan and all would be fine again.

"You must lay still, Bilbo, you are... badly injured." He was hurt? Bilbo wondered. He didn't feel hurt. In fact he felt... nothing at all come to think of it.

"Bilbo, I need you to listen carefully to me. You are dying." What? No! It was too soon! And he didn't yet know how to stop Smaug's stupid spell!

"Listen to me, Bilbo, when you wake up back in your Hobbit hole you must come and find me. I was in Rhohan around the time you will awake in, so you must travel there and seek me out. Can you do his for me, my friend?" Yes, Bilbo wanted to say even as everything around him began to fade, but could only seem to make that strange gurgling sound again. Gandalf appeared to understand him well enough though.

"Good. See you again soon, my young friend..." That was the last Bilbo was aware of before sitting up with a gasp back in his Smial two and a half years before the Dwarves would even learn his name.

Staring with unseeing eyes at his bedroom wall, Bilbo thought of all he had to do: go to Rhohan and talk to Gandalf, destroy the Ring, figure out how to break Smaug's spell- because there was no way he was leaving that beast alive after he had lost so much because of that stupid Dragon's even stupider spell!- see his Dwarves take back their home...

Looking down as something wet splashed against his arm, Bilbo realized he was crying.

And what reason did he have to cry, he asked himself. He had only just been murdered by a Dwarf he had once considered as close as a brother...

Laying back down as his sobs took him over fully, Bilbo just let himself cry.

Maybe it wouldn't seem so bad or feel so painful once he was done... A Hobbit could only hope, right?

)

_AN.2: Umm... Don't kill the author? I promise things will get better for Bilbo... eventually._


	5. 6th

_AN: So... yeah. Well, here's another chapter to- hopefully- make up for the last. _

_I promise it doesn't end in tears. Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I only snuggle up to Bilbo in my dreams, in RL he belongs to other people.**

Bilbo sat in the oversized chair, at the oversized table and drank from his oversized mug while watching the patrons of the Inn he was staying in warily.

They were all Men, and many of them were giving him Looks that he couldn't interpret and didn't think he wanted to.

Travelling to Rhohan had been surprisingly easy, Bilbo found- he'd just fallen in with a travelling caravan and that had been that- and spreading word that he was looking for Gandalf the Grey Wizard had been even easier- he'd simply told every person he could that he was a Hobbit from the Shire looking for the Grey Wizard, that was a rare enough occurrence that word was already spreading; which might have accounted for some of the Looks he was getting- so now it was just a waiting game until the old goat finally got curious and came for a look himself.

It had already been six weeks already, Bilbo silently raged, and he was getting tired of traveling around in circles looking for a man who refused to be found!

"Bilbo Baggins! As I live and breath. Is that really you?" Though thankful that the Wizard had finally showed up, Bilbo couldn't stop the irritated eye twitch that accompanied the repetitive- to him- greeting.

"Gandalf." Bilbo replied with a sharp smile, even with several months behind him now he was still feeling... prickly after the events in his previous life.

Gandalf simply raised a bushy eyebrow and ordered an ale from the server before turning back to the small Hobbit across from him with a mischievous frown.

"I have heard rumors of a lone Hobbit travelling around and asking after a Wizard. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, now would you?" For just a moment Bilbo seriously contemplated banging his head on the table top- he was really coming to hate the whole 'explain everything over and over again' routine he found himself enacting every lifetime- but refrained and settled for verbally taking his frustrations out on his table companion instead.

"I am getting _really _tired of always having to repeat myself, Gandalf." The grey clad man's brows went up at that, but Bilbo plowed on before the Wizard could make a response.

"_This _is my _sixth time _repeating my life, Gandalf, _and I want it to stop!_" Gandalf looked genuinely shocked at the Hobbit's outburst and Bilbo struggled to compose himself. Once he felt himself reasonably under control again, Bilbo cut right to the heart of the matter.

"So, what do you know of Dragon magic?" When all he got was a completely baffled look from his long time/new friend, Bilbo rolled his eyes and let his head thump down to the table top. He then began to explain- again- in detail, what was going on.

And if he mixed a great deal of Elvin and Dwarven profanity into his explanation then Gandalf was kind enough not to mention it.

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"This is a really bad idea, Gandalf." Bilbo complained even as he readied himself to enter Erebor and face a Dragon... again.

"My dear boy, we need more information on what sort of spell the beast used so that we might counter it, and the only one who has that knowledge is Smaug himself. And as you are the only one who can get inside the Mountain and get close to the beast... You did say that Smaug seemed to enjoy the sound of his own voice, you can use that against him." Bilbo sighed, they both knew he'd go and that this conversation was more for show and a way to aleve nerves than anything else, and shouldered his pack.

They'd have been in Mordor right now destroying the One Ring if it had been up to the Grey Wizard, of course, but Bilbo had refused to tell him where the Ring was at until they had learned what Smaug had done to him, much to the Wizard's disgruntlement.

Bilbo _really_ wanted this to end.

So, with a weary huff of breath, Bilbo made his way to face a Dragon... again.

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"Poison? But... not enough... to kill me. (heavy breath) So... what are... you after... little thing?" Smaug gasped out even as he tried to maneuver his heavy head to get a better look at his small attacker.

"Information. What sort of spell have you used that is making me repeat my life over and over?" Bilbo asked, getting right to the point. It made him nervous to stand there and talk with the great beast, it reminded him a lot of the first few times he'd done so. He still had nightmares about those times.

"Ahh... so the old... Curse really... does work." Smaug finally managed to shift his head far enough to look directly at Bilbo, who shifted nervously when Smaug's great wings managed to twitch a little in movement.

"Curse? You cursed me?"

"Yesss... an ancient Dragon's... Curse not used since... before the first war..." Bilbo carefully readied the second, larger, bottle of poison he'd prepared to be tossed as Smaug managed a half flap of his wings. It wasn't doing the small Hobbit's nerves any good to see how fast the beast was fighting off the effects of the first, admittedly small, dose of poison.

"This is all fascinating, but how is the curse triggered? I'm not sure why I was targeted when there were so many others that weren't."

"It... (heavy draw of breath) is triggered (lifts head slightly to look at Bilbo) _by my Death!_" Smaug flamed Bilbo... but collapsed back a moment later when his flame puttered out, having barely rolled passed his teeth, not even warming the air around the petrified Hobbit.

"Damn you... whatever you... are." Bilbo, though truly frightened on the inside, leveled the downed Dragon with his most unimpressed stare.

"Try that again and I'll finish the job."

"Then you'd be Cursed... again. And you wouldn't want... that, now would you?" Smaug taunted as he began to twitch his tail around like an angry cat, though thankfully it was far enough away that Bilbo didn't need to fear being hurt by it.

"But how was only _I _affected? I wasn't even the one who killed you the first few times!" Smaug leveled Bilbo with a curious eye, the first non-hostile look he'd given since they'd begun talking.

"Then you were the one ultimately... responsible for my downfall... little thing. The Curse is designed to keep me alive... and make the one to bring me low... even if they were not... the one to kill me... less inclined to do so again... by giving them more time to... contemplate their choice of actions." Well, that explains why I keep going back further each time, Bilbo mused.

"Now, little thing, I really think... it is time-" When Smaug lifted his head again Bilbo didn't hesitate to throw his second, final and much larger jar of poison, it hadn't been lost on him that the beast was quickly recovering what with his sentences becoming clearer and his ease of movement returning.

And he'd learned about as much as he was likely to anyway, Bilbo reasoned as Smaug verbally cursed him until his last breath.

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Exiting the Mountain several hours after he'd entered it, Bilbo was immediately set upon by the Grey Wizard.

"What did you learn?"

"It's a curse, not a spell. A Dragon's Curse, whatever that is; an ancient one, he said. And I'm fine, by-the-way, thank you for asking; and Smaug is dead, too." Gandalf didn't even seem to hear Bilbo as he was looking far into the distance and seemed to be deep in thought.

"A Dragon's Curse... I'd only ever read of those as legends..." Gandalf muttered more to himself than to the Hobbit at his side, then suddenly he leveled Bilbo with an intense stare.

"Well, we have your answer, dear boy; and it is something likely to take a great deal of time to help you with. Now, can we please get on with the more pressing work?" Bilbo's heart fell at this even as he ignored the Wizard's not-so-subtle jibe.

"You mean you can't break it? But it's just a simple curse!" Gandalf was shaking his head even before Bilbo had finished speaking and leveled the Hobbit with a fond yet weary look.

"No, my friend, it isn't. I could work to remove a spell, and any curse laid by Man, Dwarf or Elf I could break with little difficulty; but this is a legendary Dragon's Curse, and worked by powerful and rare Dragon's Magic. I'm afraid the answer to removing this Curse will take more time to find than you have to live." Gandalf looked truly saddened by this, but Bilbo perked up with an idea.

"So just teach me then. I have nothing but time on my hands and a Curse that keeps giving me more, I could do the research myself!" Gandalf looked startled at that before breaking out in a wide grin.

"Oh no you don't! I don't want to hear how surprising you keep finding Hobbits to be. I've heard that from you far too much as it is!" Gandalf broke into true laughter at that and Bilbo couldn't help but smile himself. Maybe, just maybe, things would still be alright between them.

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Bilbo led Gandalf to the Goblin tunnels under the Misty Mountains- after ensuring that the Dwarves had been informed that Erebor was once again free for habitation, even if he didn't feel like seeing any Dwarves this time around he wouldn't forget that they had been his friends... even Thorin- where he could collect the Ring and then they went to dispose of it in Mordor, picking up Radagast along the way and explaining everything that had happened to the earth loving Wizard.

After the Ring, Mordor, the Necromancer and Gundabad with all its Orcs were all gone for good, Gandalf left Bilbo in Radagast's care with instructions to teach the Hobbit all he could about magic while he went to take care of a... problematic White Wizard, and so began Bilbo's apprenticeship in magic.

Bilbo spent the next seventy years learning everything Radagast could teach him, and another ten learning from Gandalf when he'd shown himself an apt pupil and outstripped the level of magic Radagast was comfortable teaching.

"When you cycle back come and find me, I believe I was traveling from Gondor to Rhohan around when you will be waking up again. You still have much to learn, and I still have much to research to do. (sigh) Do be sure and remember to tell me that I already tried all the Elven libraries, as well as the Dwarven ones, with no success and that I must go... further afield to try and find answers." Gandalf told the Hobbit when Bilbo became sick with an illness both knew he wouldn't recover from.

By the time death came for him again- Bilbo'd learned enough practical magic to keep himself coherent and going long past the time Time would have seen him crippled with old age, doing freehand what the Ring had done directly in his first life, but he hadn't learned enough to truly extend his life past a Hobbits natural life cycle- he could light small fires, contort smoke into odd and beautiful shapes and feel the Song of the Earth, as Radagast called the powerful rivers of magic that flowed like life's blood all throughout Middle Earth; he had even learned to feel out the differences between the different types of magic that the Races of Middle Earth could wield. And as much as he hated to admit it, Gandalf was right: it was going to take a VERY long time to undo Smaug's Dragon Curse if they couldn't find out more about it.

Sitting up in his bed back in his Smial after a peaceful demise, Bilbo first tested if he could still wield magic- even if both Radagast and Gandalf had assured him that the ability to use magic followed the knowledge to wield it and not the physical body that had learned it he was still unsure- and ended up setting his quilt of fire.

Well, Bilbo mused as he put the flames out and opened a window to clear the smoke from his room, there is that question answered; now he just needed to go grab the Grey Wizard and get some more answered.


	6. 7th

_AN: So... it's been awhile. A year and a half! In my defence, though, I had a LOT happen during that time and none of it good. It started with my newly renovated house falling apart, then I tried to slice a finger off my dominant hand with a cupboard doorknob- even I don't understand how that happened, and I was there!- and culminated in my Mom being diagnosed with lung cancer shortly before Thanksgiving... The Chemo almost killed her and we had to put her in a nursing home, the only one that would take her being over eighty miles away and in a different state._

_My Mom died on August the first of this year, just twenty-two days away from her sixty-first birthday. T__his is the first time I've picked up my Tablet to write anything since last year. _

_But e__nough of the sad stuff! _

_Mom always encouraged me to write as she loved my stories, so on with Bilbo's adventure! _:-)

**Disclaimer: I own copies of the movies and the book and that's it. **

Bilbo was bored as he watched Gandalf pace back and forth, deep in thought, in their rented room in Rohan. Maybe it was his many redos of his life making him jaded, but Bilbo didn't really see what Gandalf was having a hard time comprehending.

Yes, this was his seventh time reliving his life and he had been brought back three years from the original events that had set him on this path, it had really stopped being a big surprise to him after the third time.

Yes, he had been studying magic for the last eighty years, none of which his teachers could possibly remember as it hadn't happened yet, and was only a few decades shy of attaining the title of Bilbo the Black- as Black was the lowest level Wizard title, followed by Red then Brown, Blue, Grey and finally White; Bilbo hoped to one day understand the color scheme- and being allowed to learn true secrets of Magic.

Yes, he had destroyed the One Ring and the forces of Sauron multiple times, as well as repeatedly Cursing himself by killing Smaug over and over.

And yes, he was sure he was willing to do it all again. He'd come this far, it would be silly to quit now before he was truly done AND YOU BETTER WIPE THAT INDULGENT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE, YOU CRAZY OLD WIZARD, I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH HOBBITS STILL SURPRISE YOU!

So yes, Bilbo was bored as Gandalf paced their room and muttered to himself about what needed to be done now. Bilbo already knew what needed to be done, and the Ring sitting in his pack waiting to be destroyed showed that he was already setting things in motion.

Though, with his new sensitivity to magic, Bilbo could sense that the Ring knew what he was up to, and what he had done many times before, and wasn't happy about any of it and wanted to stop him- it was probably why he'd been set upon by no less than four separate bandits on his was to find Gandalf after picking up the Ring and disposing of the insane Golum, it said something about how far he'd come that he never received even a scratch from those encounters- but with all his experience of handling the small golden trinket of evil he was able to block its whispers from his mind. So much easier to do now than in his first life when he'd had no clue what it was doing.

Eventually, when Gandalf's mutterings began centering on a certain White Wizard, Bilbo pulled the bearded man's attention back to the hear and now and laid out his own plans:

1) they would destroy the Ring as that is what Gandalf always wants done first, and complains about incessantly when it is put off.

2) they would go interrogate Smaug for more information even though Bilbo didn't think they'd get more from the Dragon. Smaug was smart and would clam up, even on his deathbed- or probably _because _he was on his deathbed- before revealing the key to his ultimate, permanent, defeat.

3) they would go interrogate Saruman on anything he might know about Dragon Magic, if they could overpower him to do so, they may just end up having to kill him again without gaining any new knowledge as Gandalf had said Saruman's library had nothing on it decades ago in the future.

And 4) once the immediate goals are reached Gandalf can then restart Bilbo's training. At least until the Hobbit reached the Black level, then Radagast could take over again as Bilbo's knowledge and Magic would be at a level where he could handle the dangers Radagast would be showing him. Gandalf could then go 'farther afield' in his search for knowledge as he said he needed to at the end of Bilbo's sixth life.

Gandalf nodded his agreement to Bilbo's plan even as he huffed out more curses over Saruman's duplicity. They would head out the next day.

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Things went as Bilbo thought they would: they destroyed the Ring, Smaug refused to tell anything about how the Curse was cast or how to remove it and Saruman chose death over helping them. So now it was all a matter of Bilbo continuing to learn Magic so as to be able to remove the Curse once he knew how to go about it.

It was a slow process.

Gandalf had to test Bilbo first to see just how much he did know, it took months, before starting to teach him anew. Next came nearly forty years of Gandalf basically throwing the poor Hobbit into situations and making him get out of them on his own with only small hints as to how.

"Practical experience is the best way to learn, my boy. You are doing fine!" Gandalf felt first hand Bilbo's 'practical experience' after that pep talk when his beard suddenly burst into flames. Bilbo was completely unapologetic as he had just finished destroying a nest of Fire Crabs Gandalf had refused to help him with and had lost all the hair on his left foot up to his knee.

A near beardless Wizard was almost as odd a sight to see as a Hobbit without his foot hairs. Bilbo felt naked for weeks until it all grew back, even then he swore it was never quite as thick as it had been.

Eventually Gandalf declared Bilbo ready and bestowed upon him the honor of being addressed as Bilbo the Black. He then immediately abandoned Bilbo to Radagast's care and tutelage and headed North. That was all he said before leaving to search out more knowledge on Dragon Magic. "I'm going North!"

Radagast, unlike when Bilbo was first learning to feel Magic and control it and the slightly dotty Wizard had been so patient, was as hands-on in his teaching as Gandalf had been hands-off. The first time Bilbo was given a three hour lecture, after admitting to not knowing how to tell the difference between a female stream and a male one, he knew he wasn't going to enjoy working his way up from being a Black level Wizard to a Red one.

The difference between a female stream and a male one, you ask? Female streams have wider banks and male ones have more rocks, and when male and female streams merge they make tributaries that eventually grow into streams of their own. Bilbo really didn't think all of that required three hours to explain, or all those hand motions. And the look in the Brown Wizard's eye when he spoke of streams merging made Bilbo wonder just how long it had been since Radagast had gotten 'merged'.

After only five months of such tutelage Bilbo knew one thing for certain: he missed Gandalf and being unexpectedly tossed into Fire Crab nests.

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It was ten years later, with not a single word from Gandalf, that Bilbo began to worry. And Radagast did nothing to make him feel better when asked.

"He's probably being held prisoner up there somewhere. Some of those tribes are fiercely protective of their lands and boarders and do not easily allow trespassers to depart, especially not if said trespasser has discovered any of their secrets," leans in to Bilbo's personal space conspiratorially. "They claim to be the descendants of the Dragons who once resided in those parts!" Leans back again. "Only Saruman ever managed to get away from them quickly, and he had to promise them- on his Magic no less!- to never speak of what he learned in order to do so."

"Didn't Gandalf know this before he went up there?" Bilbo asked, confused. Radagast just shrugged.

"Probably not. I only know because Saruman told me, after sharing a few cups of my special mushroom tea. I don't believe he ever told anyone else."

"Then why didn't _you _warn Gandalf?!"

"He never asked me." Bilbo didn't know what to say to that so said nothing.

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Gandalf wasn't seen or heard from again for the rest of Bilbo's life, though Radagast assured the Hobbit that he was alive ("The land would tell me if Gandalf died, just as it did when the two of you killed Saruman.") and as he managed to stretch his life out longer than ever- he was the first ever Hobbit to reach one hundred and ninety, though if the Shire knew his true age they wouldn't believe him- that was saying something about the effectiveness of whoever was holding the Grey Wizard prisoner.

But Bilbo had a plan to learn what he needed to and not cause his friend to be captured again, though he could only act upon it once his life reset once more. And though Radagast didn't like it he did admit that it was the best plan either of them could come up with.

So Bilbo let old age take him once again.

Waking up in his Smial, three and a half years before a certain Grey Wizard and a ragtag group of Dwarves were to invade the Shire and his pantry, Bilbo began his plan. First he'd go take care of Smaug so that if this all went pear shaped he'd get another chance, then destroy the Ring as it really needed to be done- and he was getting _really _good at it- and finally he'd go visit a Wizard.

A White Wizard this time.


	7. 8th & 9th

_AN: Yay, another chapter! And you didn't have to wait eighteen months! _

_And I know, you took one look at the chapter title and thought "She's doubling up on the lives now?" But I assure you it was necessary as Saruman... well, you'll see in the first paragraph. Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I so don't own anything.**

Bilbo had decided to go the nice route when dealing with Saruman, though he'd of course taken his planned precautions, which was why he was so thoroughly pissed off now.

"Hello, I'm Bilbo the Black, and I would like to ask for your help. Can you tell me anything about your travels in...!" The words were barely out of his mouth, his foot hardly inside the threshold of Isengard, when there was a flash and he was waking up once more in his Smial.

Bilbo's first thought? That was my shortest life yet, barely a year. His second? If that blasted prick wants to play rough I'll play rough! I've faced Dragons- a Dragon... I've faced Smaug multiple times! And won each time! No two-faced coward of a Wizard is going to get the better of me!

So Bilbo began to plan. First he'd take out Smaug- again- then the Ring- again- and finally Saruman. And he wasn't playing nice this time, either.

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"Who are you? What have you done to me?" Demanded the White Wizard from his place tied to a chair, Blue Leeches- rare Magic draining leeches from the depths of Mordor's deepest depths- covering his exposed chest, weakening him and making it impossible for him to free himself. The last thing he remembered was reading in his study, and then nothing until waking up in that chair with a Hobbit staring at him.

"Well, my name is Bilbo the Black, otherwise known as Bilbo Baggins of the Shire, and as for what I've done to you... I've just made it possible for us to have a civil conversation. Wouldn't want either of us to feel threatened, feel like their host was going to cut them down before introductions are fully made, would we?" Bilbo gave Saruman a flat look before pulling a chair over and taking a seat opposite the restrained and weakened Wizard.

Saruman blinked upon hearing the Hobbit's introduction, having recognized the name as belonging to the one said to have destroyed his Master's Ring and any chance he- Saruman- had of rising in Power. And it belonged to a Hobbit. If he could he'd smite the small creature for its audacity in interfering in matters greater than it could ever comprehend! But first he had to get out of these bindings and remove these blasted Blue Leeches from his person...

While Saruman had his internal hissy-fit, Bilbo simply sat, watched and waited. Waited for the highly intelligent, oft revered White Wizard to come back to reality and begin asking questions that could lead them to a mutual understanding. So he waited. And waited. And waited some more. After the second hour rolled by of watching Saruman grumble and pout inside his own head Bilbo left to get a sandwich, nothing had changed when he got back.

After five hours of mentally exhausting himself to no avail, Saruman finally looked up at his capter.

"Finally! I was beginning to think the knockout gas I filled your tower with had raddled your brains permanently." Putting the book he'd found and been reading down, Bilbo gave the Wizard his full attention.

"What is it you want from me?" Saruman ground out from his clinched jaw, hating being at the mercy of such an inferior creature.

"I want to talk. And maybe afterwards we can come to an agreement of some sort." The white haired Wizard raised a brow at that and sneered.

"I'm listening."

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Bilbo and Saruman reached an accord after much negotiation: Saruman would tell Bilbo all he could- without violating his Oath of Silence and losing his Magic- about traveling to and through the North Lands as well as help train Bilbo to reach Red status, and in return Bilbo would _not _bring up Saruman's name in his future redos and bring about his death.

Bilbo felt it was a fair enough deal, and Saruman agreed it was much fairer than Bilbo's alternative: sending a message Lady Galadriel about how Saruman wants to enslave her people and make her his personal possession. Saruman cringed at the thought of what the powerful Seer would do to his mind if she received a missive like that, no matter that it was made up it would still lead to his being mentally- and most likely physically- tortured and Bilbo getting the information he wanted anyway. So they both agreed it was a good deal.

Over the next several decades Bilbo learned a lot from Saruman- even if he was mostly just shunted off into the library, given a stack of books taller than himself and ignored- including where to go when he traveled North to find the information he needed:

Thieves Haven.

Home of the Thieves Guild, Thieves Haven sat on the very boarder between the lush lands of Middle Earth and the wastes of the North and served as a stopping point for many stolen items before they found new owners. A fairly sizable city, only members of the Guild and those born there knew its exact location and were sworn to never reveal it, so Bilbo would need to employ the services of a thief to guide him there- and a good one at that to be sure they truly are a member of the Guild. From the East Gate of the small city Bilbo would need to travel due north until the Dray found him, and they would, and took him prisoner.

Since Bilbo had no intention of taking the same Vow that Saruman did- it wouldn't allow him to speak of what he learned let alone apply it to his problem- he'd have to convince the Dray that he simply wanted to learn for the sake of knowledge itself and nothing more and then wait until he dies and wakes up again to do anything with what he found.

By the time Bilbo reached Red status he was just cresting the two hundred year mark and had a plan to gain access to the Dray Archives, the greatest store of ancient knowledge since the Fall of Gondolin according to Saruman, but still knew almost nothing about the Dray themselves.

"They are proud, arrogant and secretive; show respect and do not stare. Most are quick to anger but their Code of Honor will keep them from killing you outright. They... truly believe they are descended from Dragons, and I am inclined to believe them. That is all I am capable of telling you about the Dray as a people, the rest you must discover on your own."

At the ripe old age of two hundred and three, Bilbo said his good-byes to Saruman- who simply huffed out a "Good riddance"- before passing on.

And waking up in his Smial, four and a half years before the original events of his life became interesting, with a smile on his face. He had a Dragon and a piece of metal to take care of, then he had a certain Dwarf with star-shaped hair to find and bribe. Bilbo was so glad he'd gotten his Dwarves drunk that one night and introduced them to the Shire game of Truth or Dare, even if he still cringed at the memory of some of the Dares the Dwarves came up with... and pulled off.


	8. 10th Part One

_AN:I was hoping to get this out much sooner but I had a cat sleeping in my lap, and all cat owners know that once the cat is asleep you mustn't move it save in a true emergency: such as for a fire, flood, imminent death or to bring them some treats._

_Part two of this chapter will be up sometime next week. This chapter is turning out to be longer than I originally intended so I split it in two. Enjoy!_

_BTW- Cookies for all those who know the name of the Monty Python movie I quoted, and brownies for those who know the scenes they came from!_

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit. Nor do I own Monty Python. I am very sad about all this. **

_Guides-_

**All bold is spoken in Dwarvish, Khuzdul**

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**"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!" **Bilbo yelled.

**"I fart in your general direction!" **Thorin screamed.

**"You're mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" **Bilbo retaliated, snickering quietly to himself afterwards. That was his favorite Dwarvin insult of all time, it was just too bad only Dwarves really understood it.

"Gentlemen! Please cease this childish behavior at once, it is most unbecoming!" Gandalf yelled breaking up the show that was entertaining both the Dwarvin and Elvin camps situated outside of Erebor's main gate. Bilbo simply glared down from the battlements at the Wizard interrupting his fun while Thorin glowered upwards at the Hobbit holding his Kingdom- at least in his mind- ransom.

"I'll stop once that Hobbit vacates my mountain! **How Dare you profane this place with your presence!**"

**"You don't fighten us, Dwarvin pig dogs! Go**** and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Thorin King', you and all your silly Dwarvin Warriors!" **Bilbo shouted back with glee. From his vantage point he could see several Elves- most notably Thranduil himself- who understood Khuzdul trying not to laugh, the Dwarves Thorin had brought with him weren't even trying. They were openly laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation.

Bilbo had thought long and hard on how to get his hands on the slippery Dwarf named Nori and get the theif to take him to Thieves Haven. He'd thought up many scenarios- approach Gandalf and/or Thorin, explain himself and have one or both mediate a contract; corner Nori in a pub and bribe him with the Arkenstone; talk Dori around and have him put pressure on his younger sibling- but in the end he decided to go big.

So Bilbo had calmly destroyed the Ring- so there would be no loose ends Gandalf could badger him with, as well as lesson the number of Orcs wandering around to almost nothing- killed Smuag and laid claim to Erebor. Thranduil was more than happy to lend Bilbo some Warriors to visibly guard the gates of the Dwarvin Kingdom once Bilbo had gifted him the gems the Elven King so coveted and explained how much it would irritate Thorin to have 'his' mountain guarded by Elves of all creatures.

Bilbo then sent off a few letters revealing what he had done to key people: Thorin, the White Council, Lady Dis- as he didn't trust Thorin to keep her fully in the loop, and Bilbo knew from experience that she governed her people more directly and fairly than Thorin ever did and would need to know what was going on(her letter actually held the whole story, as well as a copy of the Contract he was going to get Nori to sign, while Thorin's just said that he took over the mountain[Bilbo knew it was unfair, but he was still slightly bitter over being murdered by the Dwarf and so didn't feel any guilt about it])- Dori and the other members of the original Company as well as several other Kings and Leaders to fully disseminate the knowledge of what he'd done. He didn't want anyone claiming his actions for their own and messing up his plans.

To say Thorin disregarded all advice from cooler heads was an understatement. He whipped together a fast company- mostly those of the original Company Bilbo had contacted, but also a few others who were now brave enough to come since there was no longer a Dragon to fight- and stormed the Lonely Mountain. Or tried too. Bilbo had only cleared out enough rubble so as to get to the battlements, the rest was all still sealed shut from Smaug's reign with only a Hobbit sized hole allowing entrance or egress, and then only if you knew where to look for it. And not to mention the Elvin encampment standing gaurd not a hundred paces from the gates.

But none of that stopped Thorin from insulting Thranduil for just being there, threatening Bilbo for not being a Dwarf and claiming the mountain and all inside as his even though by Dwarvin Law it all belong to Bilbo by Right of Conquest.

No one, even Balin or Dwalin, could make Thorin see how unreasonable he was being. Hence the trading of insults, which Bilbo freely admits to starting with a yelled:

**"You don't fighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior! Now go away before I taunt you a second time!"**

Thorin had been shocked, at first, to be yelled at in perfect Khuzdul with a classic Dwarvin Siege Insult that only a Dwarf should know, but he soon shook it off and began responding in kind.

And that brings us back to where we started. With a bunch of entertained Warriors of two races, a smirking Elvin King, an exasperated Wizard, a fuming Thorin and a silently snickering Hobbit. If anyone were to look upon the scene with no prior knowledge of events they would be sorely confused.

But, of course, Gandalf just had to stick his nose in and be the voice of reason.

"Come now! Surely a compromise can be reached here! Thorin, why don't you try _asking _Master Baggins what it would take for him to let relinquish Erebor back to you?" Thorin looked mutinous even as Balin began whispering to him, trying to get him to comply. Gandalf just looked resolute.

Sighing at the loss of his fun, Bilbo motioned for Thranduil- who had volunteered himself to play mediator just to irritate the Line of Durin(as Bilbo knew he would, the Hobbit still remembered his once-husband's quirks quite well)- to step forward with his demands and the contract.

"Master Baggins has already compiled a list of demands, and he promises to return Erebor to the Dwarves once they are met." The Elven King then handed a piece of parchment over to Balin as he was the most level headed Dwarf there.

Upon reading the parchment Balin scowled over at Nori- who Dori had forced along after receiving the letter from Bilbo requesting the presence of all three members of the House of Ri- making the thief gulp and go wide-eyed, before he handed the parchment to Thorin to read over. Thorin read the parchment over before stalking off in a huff, throwing the single sheet at Nori as he passed.

Skimming over the short Contract on the parchment, the thief raised his brows at how simple it was:

**Contract of Employment**

**Employer: **

Bilbo Baggins of the Shire, Red Wizard

**Employee: **

Nori of the House Ri, Master Thief

**Terms:**

Nori of the House Ri shall guide Bilbo Baggins of the Shire to the East Gate of the city known as Thieves Haven.

**Payment:**

Upon the signing of this contract Bilbo Baggins of the Shire shall turn possession of the mountain known as Erebor, and all treasures within save for the exceptions listed below, to the House of Ri.

**Exception one:**

The gems and treasures gifted to King Thranduil of the Woodland Realm by Bilbo Baggins of the Shire as repayment for his kind assistance.

**Exception two:**

The gems and treasures gifted to the newly named Lord of Dale by Bilbo Baggins of the Shire for the rebuilding of Dale.

**Exception three:**

The Arkenstone

To be gifted to Thorin Oakenshield, or his Heirs if he chooses not accept the gift, for the betterment of his people.

**Employer signature: **

_Bilbo Baggins_

**Employee signature:**

Nori read the Contract several times before passing it to Dori and sitting down where he stood. The thief was in a state of shock and could not believe what was being offered to him and his brothers, the last of the Ri Line. If he signed that Contract then they would not only own Erebor but each would have a third of the eminence treasure resting inside. And all for taking a Hobbit to Thieves Haven.

As bribes go, Nori had to admit, this was a good one.

Grabbing the Contract away from the huddle that had formed around it, Nori grabbed one of Ori's quills and signed.


	9. 10th Part Two

**Disclaimer: I so don't own.**

The journey was... anti-climactic for Bilbo.

No trolls, no orcs, no bandits and no real excitement. Just he and Nori, for three weeks, doubling back on half-faded trails to- needlessly and uselessly- confuse Bilbo on where they were heading. Yep, a boring journey. And Bilbo couldn't be happier to finally have a quiet journey! Or be more annoying to his traveling companion. He had to entertain himself somehow, right?

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"So... Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"By the way... Are we there yet?"

"No, now stop asking!"

"But how will I know we're there if I don't ask?"

"Because I'll tell you!"

"..."

"What?!"

"Nothing."

"Just spit it out!"

"I just wanted to ask..."

"What?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Ahhhh! This is so not worth a Mountain of treasure!" Bilbo just giggled.

Yes, Bilbo was bored with the sedate journey. But he was also highly entertained and learning many new curses he'd never heard before! Nori could be highly creative, it seemed, when wishing various diseases on Bilbo's ancestors and descendants, usually in the same sentence.

But all good things must come to an end eventually, and all to soon for Bilbo- though not nearly soon enough for Nori- they had reached a non-discript pile of rocks that Nori said was the hidden East Gate of Thieves Haven. Nori then turned around and galloped off with a Whoop! of joy at leaving the aggravating Hobbit behind.

"I'll miss you too, Nori!" Bilbo yelled after the retreating figure he'd had fun verbally tormenting for the last few weeks. At least this way, Bilbo assured himself, no one could question the Dwarf on where Bilbo went from here and attempt an unwanted rescue mission.

Now it was time to start his real journey.

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It took almost five weeks of traveling in a straight path Northward before Bilbo was picked up by heavily armed soldiers that could only be the Dray, and he finally realized why Saruman told him not to stare.

It was harder to do than it sounded.

At first Bilbo thought it was just the soldiers who were different, but as soon as they entered the City he realized that the heavily muscled soldiers were in fact average among the citizens.

Each person Bilbo saw stood as tall or taller than Gandalf, with large muscles and broad shoulders- even on the women. Then there were the smaller details that the Hobbit noticed that made him believe these people truly were descendants of Dragons: some had slit-pupiled eyes, others had a forked tongue visible when they spoke in their odd hissing version of Elvish, a few even sported impressive talons; but the one feature all seemed to have in common were scales, little smatterings of scales across hands, arms and faces.

But what caught Bilbo's attention more than anything was the pointed ears and unnatural grace these large people had. He tried not to think about the obvious origins of the Dray and failed, he felt an immense sense of pity for those Elves captured and used to create this race.

After being escorted through the Marketplace and making his observations, Bilbo was tossed is cell for a few days before being brought in front of the Council of Elders and bidden to state his reasons for traveling into their territory.

After much questioning and pleading his case, Bilbo convinced them that he was a scholar and had sought them out to learn ancient knowledge- solely for his own sake of knowing it- that was lost to the rest of the World. Bilbo was then handed over to the Master of the Archives and told he could study to his heart's content so long a he worked and obeyed all orders the Master gave him with the rest of the apprentices, and that if he ever tried to leave the City he would be executed on the spot.

It took twenty years of barely ever leaving the Archives- and then only when the Master sent him out on errands- but eventually Bilbo was trusted enough not to run off at the first opportunity and the guards at the entrance to the Archives and the Apprentice Dorms and that would follow and watch him closely when ever he left either place was stood down. Though the ones at the City Gates still watched him with hands on their hilts if his errands brought him that far out from the city centre.

After another fifty years flew by- and after perfecting his ability to read the ancient languages that Saruman had started him learning- Bilbo finally found the Curse that Smaug had used, and though he had happily read up on things lost to even the oldest of Elves he was just relieved to have finally found it. But he was upset that he had only come across it on accident!

Bilbo had been ordered to clean out the storerooms in the Archives' vast basement, he'd cleaned out four of the twelve storerooms and brought the recovered books, documents, scrolls and clay tablets up for restoration and for the Master to peruse, when he'd found a broken in half clay tablet that had 'Curse of More Time' written in ancient Elvish on it.

Bilbo could have hit himself as the solution was so simple: to counter the Curse all he needed to do was perform a purifying ritual on Smaug, it would remove the Curse and allow Smaug to be killed for a final time.

A few other scrolls in the room gave a history on the Curse and why it fell out of use as well as why a Counter had to be developed. It seemed as if the Dragons who used the Curse kept getting killed by other Dragons and they were all getting sick of it and never knowing who was on what life and who was safe to kill. It annoyed the lot of them so much that they banned the use of the Curse altogether, Smaug was actually breaking Draconian Law by using it. Not that anyone could call him out on it, what with his being the last of his kind and all.

Armed with the knowledge he'd been seeking for the last seventy years, and several lifetimes before that, Bilbo let himself relax and actually enjoy his time among the Archives of the Dray. It was an experience no-one else could speak about, after all.

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Bilbo threw himself a party on his two hundred and fiftieth Birthday, inviting all his acquaintances from the Archives- none of the Dray had ever warmed up to him, but Bilbo didn't mind as it would have made him feel guilty to betray his friends' trust when he died again and then used their preciously hoarded knowledge without their permission to free himself from the Curse (and then go on to disseminate all the knowledge he'd collected over the years out of spite, the Archive Master was a bastard that had always enjoyed making Bilbo do all the dirtiest jobs and Bilbo was looking forward to his petty revenge)- knowing he wouldn't live much longer - he'd had so much practice at dying now he could feel it coming on.

And if Bilbo had decided to sew lots and lots of small bags of the highly volatile Black Powder Gandalf used in his fireworks, mixed in with some nails and other jagged pieces of metal he collected over the years, into all his clothes as a small surprise for the insular race when they tossed his corpse and possessions into the traditional bonfire pit used as a last insult to all non-Dray instead of giving them a respectful burial... Well, that was nobodies business but his own. And possibly that of the seven seriously injured and two dead Dray that had the misfortune to be on bonfire duty that day.

It had taken a few centuries, but Bilbo finally understood the satisfaction to be had in knowing you've had the last laugh.

Waking up in his Smial with a self-satisfied smile on his face, five years before events would naturally begin happening, Bilbo felt hopeful that this would all be over soon for the first time in a long time.


	10. 11th

_AN: I've recently discovered the joys of adding cinnamon liqueur to hot chocolate to make the perfect nightcap, now if only I had a few scantily clad manservants to bring it to me my life would be perfect._

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Bilbo was a very happy Hobbit. Everyone who saw him in the Shire could only say 'That Bilbo Baggins is one happy Hobbit' as Bilbo passed them. The reason? He finally had a way out of his endless-seeming repeating cycle and could finally die.

Now, you may think this sounds morbid, but if you were to ask the middle-aged looking Hobbit he would tell you that it truly isn't so. He would also tell you that, being a Hobbit, he was never meant to live too far past a single century and is now several passed that and feels he's lived plenty long enough, thank you very much, and mind your own business in the future.

So it is a happy Bilbo Baggins that packs the few things he wishes to take with him, makes a very public showing of gifting his young cousin Drago Baggins Bag End and all that remains inside- while memorizing the sour looks the Sackville-Baggins' sport at that announcement- and makes his way out of the Shire and towards Bree before sending a rather detailed letter to a certain Gray Wizard and heading towards a very familiar path through the Misty Mountains one last time.

Golum seemed to put up more of a fight than usual for the Ring, Bilbo noted, but brushed it off as his having become complacent with the knowledge that this would be the last time he'd have to deal with either the foul creature or the evil trinket of doom. Placing the evil piece of gold in his pocket, Bilbo proceeded to ignore it and its whispers of disgruntlement. If Bilbo had given it any thought he might have been more upset that the small bit of jewellery seemed to remember him and what his plans for it were.

Sooner than expected, Bilbo was making his way into the Lonely Mountain once again and facing a heavily drugged Dragon, only this time it was for more than talking.

"A... (cough) purifying... ritual... (weeze) How..." Smaug managed to gasp out as he tried to keep an eye on the small creature killing him slowly with poison, such an inglorious way to die, though Smaug had to admit the little thing knew what it was doing as he couldn't seem to fight off the effects. It was almost as if the small thing had practice in how much poison to give a Dragon to keep it down.

"Lots of time and a great deal of patients." Bilbo muttered as he set up the purifying ritual, the hardest part being having to create an unbroken ring around the Dragon in salt and dried herbs. It took a LOT of salt and herbs to ring Smaug entirely.

"How... (gasp) many... (weeze)(cough)" Bilbo didn't even look up from his careful pouring to the immobile Dragon using the last of its energy to question it's fate.

"How many times have I killed you? This will be my... eleventh time, though my last as well. Hopefully." Bilbo muttered the last as he finished the circle and could now start the ritual.

"Why... (cough) continue... (weeze)? You... could... (gasp) have... (weeze) lived... peace(cough)fully." Bilbo's shoulders slumped for a moment before squaring again.

"Because it's all I know anymore." With that Bilbo waved his hand and lit the candles he'd placed earlier before beginning to chant.

Bilbo could feel Smaug's Magic trying to fight the purification, but being already so weakened by the poison the Dragon didn't stand a chance in the face of the Hobbit's determination.

And then Bilbo felt it, the Curse, it was trying to bind to him once more as it was obvious the weakened Dragon wouldn't survive this. Bilbo redoubled his efforts and poured more Magic into the ritual.

Bilbo could feel the Curse finally breaking up under the pressure of the ritual, but then he felt a burning coming from his pocket as the Ring flared its power. Distracted for but a moment, Bilbo missed it as the ritual ended and Smaug lay still in the middle of a burnt and smouldering ring.

A revealing spell showed no more Magic connecting him to Smaug- The ritual had worked!- so Bilbo brushed off the Ring's interference as a petty attempt to mess with him, same as when it called bandits and thieves to attack him while on the road, and forgot about it.

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Thranduil was more than willing to house Bilbo, who was nice enough to bring him a large chest full of white gems, while the Hobbit waited for Gandalf to arrive with the Dwarves he'd been asked to pick up, and so Bilbo got to get reacquainted with his old home. That is why when the Wizard and Company were finally escorted to the formal dinning Hall some weeks later it was to see a scene of much laughter as a Hobbit told stories of things that happened and yet had not yet, and never would, come to pass.

"So then he said 'I double-dare you!', so what could I do then? You can't back down from a double-dare, it'd be an insult to the Family Honor!"

"But you didn't do such a thing, did you?" Legolas asked, as enraptured as many others were by the tale. Though Thranduil looked a cross between interested and mortified.

"I did, and it was right embarrassing too I tell you! Dressing up as a harlet from the East and doing a strip tease in the middle of the Throne room... it didn't matter that he was the only one to see me, it was still embarrassing! And that is why I swore to never play Truth or Dare with the Elvin King ever again!" Uproarious laughter filled the Hall until the Dwarves and Wizard were noticed. And if a slightly red looking Thranduil greeted them with more enthusiasm than he otherwise would have none chose to comment.

"Oh, and in my fourth life when I was living with the Dwarves and taught THEM the game... Well! I bet none of you can even guess what oddities they chose to Dare each other to do." Bilbo threw a wicked grin at the confused Company. Gandalf had informed them of the Hobbit who had traveled through Time, but until now none had truly believed it.

"Now gather around everyone and I'll tell you the story of 'The King's Stolen Chamberpot', or 'The Day Prince Fili Swore Off Honeymede'! And I tell you all now, no one was happy until that chamberpot was found and returned; even if it had already been melted down into Courting Beads and presented to the Prince's Intended!" Not even the Company could help but laugh at that, even if they didn't understand what the story was about, and the night wore on with many more tales from the Hobbit before everyone retired.

The next day Bilbo set off with the Company to Erebor and filled Gandalf in on all the details he'd left out of his letter, not even getting upset when the Wizard looked indulgently down on him and murmmered quietly about surprising Hobbits. Bilbo was feeling just too good with life and the freedom he now had to find anything irritating.

"So, what are your plans now that you no longer have a Dragon to worry about or another lifetime to contend with?" Gandalf asked as they watched the Dwarves beginning to clear the Gates of their home now that they could.

"I still have the Ring to destroy, but after that... travel? As a Fauntling I always dreamed of traveling and having adventures, and I guess I now have time to do so." Bilbo considered his options a moment before turning a mischievous smirk on the Gray Wizard. "And once I'm bored of traveling I think I could be convinced to settle down and transcribe a few, dozen, texts I memorized from my time with the Dray up North." Gandalf began to choke on his smoke then just as Bilbo had hoped for. It was always good to get one over on the old codger.

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Many years had passed since Bilbo had finally freed himself from Smaug's Curse and the Hobbit was quite content with the life he'd led this time around. He'd traveled to the distant East, explored the lands to the South, rubbed Saruman's face in the fact he'd gotten around the Dray's policy of not letting their knowledge out of their City and even managed to get Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel involved in a game of the now infamous game of Truth or Dare.

Once was enough and it was vowed by all within the Last Homley Home to never speak of it again. Gandalf was thankfully spared the sight but was always after confused as to why many of the Elves flinched whenever kumquats and garter belts were mentioned.

Now it was Bilbo's time to once again embrace that everlasting sleep and to awaken within Yavana's Garden for his eternal rest. Closing his eyes Bilbo let himself, in his three hundred year old body, finally rest...

Opening his eyes again Bilbo's first thought was 'Yavana's Garden looks a great deal like my old Smial'. After that was just a lot of cursing and the sounds of items breaking, it scared the neighbors.

It took several hours for the Hobbit to calm down and leave his completely destroyed room for some calming tea, though in the kitchen he got another shock as he looked at his calendar.

"Five years... shouldn't it be five and a half now? Five years was last time..."

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Half a World away, just as Bilbo began destroying his bedroom, a massive head lifted itself above a pile a golden treasure, opened eyes several years too soon and thought to itself 'That was an odd dream. As if a creature so puny could ever truly get the better of ME.' before laying down once more; though it never truly sank back into its previous deep sleep. That dream had been very vivid, after all.


	11. 12th

_AN: Hey! Sorry for the long and unexpected wait, I promise it was not on purpose. Between my tablet finally giving up the ghost and the retail holiday-hell at work I just haven't had the time, chance or energy to post. But good news? I have a new tablet now! One that doesn't go from 100% power to 10% in half an hour no matter what you are doing with it! _

**Disclaimer: I love the Hobbit, but I do not own it. This makes me sad.**

Bilbo, after much thought, and after cleaning up the mess he'd made, decided he needed a vacation. So he took one.

With five years to wait before anyone came knocking on his door for help, Bilbo decided to stay in the Shire and become reacquainted with his friends and family, something he was ashamed to say he had long since neglected. It was high time he paid the same attention to the Shire as he had the rest of Middle Earth! He was going to have so much fun getting to reknow his people, he just knew it.

And so now, after a grand total of two months in the peaceful borders of the Shire, Bilbo could unequivocally say that he was _bored_. Mind numbingly, strength sapingly, _bored_. So bored, in fact, that he'd taken to considering going Orc hunting just to spice up his boring daily routine a little.

Were Hobbits always this dull, Bilbo asked himself on more than one occasion, or had he truly become that used to adventure that he couldn't handle the lack there of? And the fact that no one else seemed to see a problem in doing the exact same routine week in and week out wasn't really helping the poor resident of Bag End feel more charitable towards his neighbors.

He needed a project, Bilbo decided, something to take his mind off his troubles(he was _still _alive) and give him a purpose so he didn't go running off to repeat the exact same pattern that had taken over his many centuries of life(kill Smaug, destroy the ring, do research to try and find a way out of this endless loop).

And then it hit him, a project that would take up a good portion of his time and give him a purpose at the same time. During his research days with Sauromon, Bilbo had run across a very time consuming project that, while incredibly useful, took so long to do that it had long since fallen out of favor. It would be perfect!

The next day saw Bilbo heading into Bree to buy up lots and lots of thick linen, the kind used for tent making, as well as several other assorted items one would need to build a sturdy- and quite large- tent. When asked what he had planned the Hobbit just smiled and said didn't know for sure but would before he was done. The shop keeps just shook their heads at the eccentric Hobbit and let him go about his day after that.

Once back in Bag End, Bilbo got to work enchanting all his purchases and ensuring he had everything he needed for now. It would take him at least two or three years to finish, depending on how much time per day he put into it, and he was sure he'd have to make many more trips into Bree for adequate suppiles, but at least at the end of it he would have a comfy place to sleep while traveling.

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Five years seemed to fly by quickly once Bilbo began putting effort into practicing the more time consuming projects he'd learned about over the years but never practiced before as they hadn't been related to his obsessive goal- after much reflection, Bilbo had finally realized that killing Smaug(and himself) had long since stopped being just a goal and had instead become his life's obsession, it was something he was trying to fix now- but now he was a relaxed Hobbit once more and ready for Gandalf to take him on his 'first' adventure.

So here Bilbo was, quietly smoking his pipe while sitting in front of his Smial, on one particular day Bilbo had long since memorized, and waiting for an old man dressed in gray to come along the lane. And once he did, Bilbo pounced.

"Gandalf the Gray! My, but you haven't been seen around these parts in some years. Won't you come in for a spot of tea?" Not waiting for an answer from the beffudled Wizard, Bilbo led the way inside his cheery home and to his kitchen where he'd already set up a lovely tea for two.

Following Bilbo inside, an amused Gandalf thought on how he might not have to work too hard to get the son of his late dear friend Belladona to join him on an adventure. Though not long after the door shut behind the tall Man, the peaceful Shire morning was interupted by a loudly exclaimed "What?!" and the ringing peals of Hobbity laughter. All of which was ignored by those passing by the green door on their way to the Market, over the last five years the other Hobbits had become quite used to 'Mad-Baggins' and his newly varied sense of humor.

Later that evening, after the Dwarves had all been welcomed warmly into Bag End and presented with a feast, and after Thorin had tried for a dramatic entrance and been foiled by a wooden spoon weilding Hobbit who forced him into a chair and plyed him with a large quantity of food, Bilbo launched into his, much edited for time, story just to get it out there quickly. For the most part the Dwarves were simply stunned, awed or suspicious; except for Thorin who launched right into anger.

"If you knew what was to happen then _why haven't you done anything about the Dragon yet_?!" Spittle flying from his lips, the Dwarven King looked two seconds away from flying across the table and physically attacking his host. Bilbo's raised and placating hand was the only thing stopping him.

"I wanted a vacation." The Hobbit said simply and truthfully, ignoring how Thorin began to growl in ire. "I am somewhere between nine hundred and a thousand years old, I've long since stopped counting, and I have been reliving these _exact same events _over and over, time and again, all that time.** _I am tired_**, Your Majesty. So forgive me for wanting to spend some time among my friends and family, not to mention the society I grew up in, after having been away from them for centuries trying to figure out a way to end **your **Dragon problem!" Unconciously, Bilbo's aura had begun to flare out as he ranted and got centuries of repressed frustration off his chest, causing every Dwarf and Wizard to shiver in fear, for unlike when Gandalf flared his aura there was no climbing shadows or great pressure pushing one down to intimadate them. No. Bilbo's aura was pure ice that crawled up the spine and gripped one's heart in fear, making one believe one's greatest fear was just behind them, waiting for them to turn and acknowledge it before it pounced. And if one did turn and look? Nothing but there own shadow staring back at them, a shadow that seemed to watch them in anticipation.

Bilbo's time amongst the Dray, learning their secrets, had truly efffected his Magic more than he, or anyone else, realized.

"I could have stopped at any time, I could have ignored **your **problem and relieved myself of the Curse _I _am under; but instead I have kept going, putting myself in danger and back under the Curse for **you**!" Bilbo suddenly stood and slammed his hands down on the table causing everyone to flinch, even Thorin though he tried to mask it. "_This _maybe the first time you've grown the balls needed to go and face Smaug, but it is _my _**twelfth **time facing that fire-breathing Beast!" Bilbo dropped his voice down to a menacing whisper. "So, of the two of us, _Your Majesty_, which do _you _think has the right to be an arrogant bastard and demand answers of the other?" Bilbo stared hard at Thorin until the Dwarf broke eye contact to stare at the table. Bilbo then closed his eyes, took a deep breath and reigned his still menacing aura back in letting the other occupents of the room finally breath easier. Opening his eyes once more, Bilbo flashed the Company a smile that only touched his lips.

"I have beds made up for everyone for the night as well as made you all new packs that I think you will all enjoy using- I'll let you figure out why on your own." He gave a forced chuckle that fell flat in the still stunned room before continuing. "I know all the routes that the Orcs are taking while looking for you all," Gives a pointed look at a still stoically staring at the table Thorin, "so if we wait a week we can move out without alerting them as they will have all moved too far north to spot us." Holds up a hand to stop any protests even though no one was yet recovered enough to speak up. "I suggest eveyone uses that time to rest, restock your supplies and check over their gear. I may know all the short cuts to get us to Erebor quickly but it will still be a long, hard journey." Bilbo looks around the room of quiet Dwarves and gives a sigh. "I've organized a going away party for the day after tomorrow, so there is that to look forward to." Clears thrrought, very uncomfortable with how uncomfortable he has made everyone. "So... I'll just leave you all to find your beds then..." With a tight smile, Bilbo bid the Dwarves a goodnight and exited the room.

Once the Hobbit was gone every Dwarf gave a shuddery breath of relief. Without saying a word they all agreed that Bilbo Baggins was one scary Hobbit.

Unsurprisingly it was Bofur who finally broke the tense silence.

"Welp! At least we know we won't get bored on our journey. Ha! Ha!"

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The next few days say the Dwarves exclaiming happily over their new packs, and Ori summoning up all their surprised appreciation in one excited burst: "It never fills up or gets heavier! I can carry as many journals as I want now and still have room enough for a bedroll and food!" The party Bilbo threw himself- more of a grandious way to rub it in the faces of his Sackville-Baggins relations that they were getting nothing as it ws all going to Drogo, still Bilbo's favorite cousin- was also a big hit with the Dwarves, who were all surprised to be drunk under the table before the smaller creatures were even tipsy.

All in all, by the time a week had passes and they were heading out, the Company- minus Thorin- was almost completly reconciled to their Burglar being a very scary, time traveling Wizard-Hobbit. They came to accept him fully- minus a, sulky by this point, Thorin- after the heavy rain started and Bilbo pulled out his first big project: a small tent.

The Dwarves took one look at the small tent the Hobbit had set up, scoffed and tried to ignore the warm glow coming from inside it even after Bilbo had said there was plenty of room inside. Fili and Kili were the first to take the Hobbit up on his offer, and once the other Dwarves saw the duo enter the tent that looked like it could barely fit a single Dwarrow let alone two and a Hobbit, they all began trickling inside the small thing... that was way bigger on the inside. About the size of two or three Royalty sized tents.

After that, and the warm meal Bilbo served while it poured rain outside, no one had a bad word to say about the Hobbit. Not even Thorin, though his scowls never let up.

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Bilbo led the Dwarves past the Misty Mountains- he'd get the Ring later, it wasn't going anywhere- through Mirkwood and on to erebor. Leaving the Company outside while he went in to, once again, interegate Smaug and then kill him, Bilbo was confident that this time would be like all the rest.

He was wrong.

Bilbo stared blankly at the empty pile of gold that had _always _contained a Dragon before in utter confusion. Then came the tinkling of coins behind him.

Spinning about, Bilbo had just enough time to register a shouted "You!" before a wall of fire engulfed him and he knew no more...

Sitting up in his bed, once more at home in Bag End, Bilbo couldn't help but wonder what had happened? How had Smaug recognized him? What was going on?

Half a World away, a _very _irate Dragon tore itself from its golden bed and bellowed into the emptiness of its conquered Mountain. That had been no dream this time!


	12. Author Gives Up!

_AN 1: **THIS STORY IS CURSED! **Everytime- EVERY TIME- I try to work on this story something horrible happens! Since I have begun this story I have lost both my parents, had my newly remodeled house collapse, nearly lost a finger, was dropped by my insurance without warning or reason, had my new tablet catch fire and had several dozen other small mishaps that all happened, you guessed it, while I tried to work on this story. **I've had it, I quit!**_

_Now, I know it's foolish to blame a _story _for all life's problems, but this has been going on for more than two years now. I am sick of it and am no longer willing to put forth the time and energy it takes to even try and work on this. I just give up._

_AN 2: If anyone wants to try and continue, adopt or adapt this story then you have my full permission to do so, just don't come crying to me when you get cursed by it too._

_AN 3: For anyone interested I've typed up my notes for the rest of the story down below. I am sorry to leave a story unfinished but I just can't take it anymore._

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**CH 12 L 13 **Bilbo goes to Erebor to try and find the reason Smaug was able to remember him and gets captured by the Dragon and forced to tell him everything. Enraged that Bilbo had stupidly allowed the corrupted power of the Ring to taint the Curse and bind them closer together, Smaug kills Bilbo with a warning to never return.

**CH 13 L14 **Bilbo returns to Erebor and forces Smaug to tell him what he knows about the Curse, the Ring and their binding. Eventually Smaug tells him and Bilbo begins demanding Smaug help him break the binding and end the Curse. Smaug refuses to do anything that could see him permanently dead, a short fight ensues and one of them dies thus starting everything over again.

**CH 14 **This chapter was going to be a compilation chapter of several lives, the lives Bilbo used to try and convince Smaug to work with him to end the cycle of reawakening over and over, as seen from different people who witnessed the interactions.

**L 15 **Gandalf stood on a hill and watched in shock as Bilbo Baggins rode on the back on a rare winged serpent from the far South and chased the Dragon Smaug across the planes of Gondor while yelling insults that no Hobbit of the Shire should ever even know.

**L 16 **Bard watched in fearful awe as Smaug the Dragon did airial acrobatics above Laketown while trying to dislodge a small man with hairy feet and pointed ears that clung to one of his legs and kept stabbing him with a sword and yelling that the giant beast should just give in.

**L 17 **Thorin Oakenshield stood with his companions as they all stared agog at the tiny Hobbit who appeared to be laying siege to the Mountain of Erebor while Smaug the Dragon yelled from inside for him to just go away and leave him alone.

**L 18 **King Thranduil could only watch in confusion as a Dragon and a Hobbit crashed through his forest while fighting and were over run by giant spiders.

**CH 15 L 19 **Smaug finally agrees to help break the Curse for once and for all if it will mean he will never again have to see Bilbo. So Bilbo gets the Ring and they do a Ritual that Smaug is sure will work to break their bond and release the Curse. After it is over Smaug kills Bilbo to 'test' if it worked or not.

**CH 16 L 20 **When Bilbo and Smaug awaken this time they quickly realize that the Ritual didn't work and only made things worse for them, the reason being is that they awoke in each others' body. Bilbo eventually figures out Smaug's body enough to get to the Shire where he meets Gandalf who was summoned by the Thain to help 'poor Bilbo Baggins' who seemed to have gone insane and thought himself a Dragon. After getting the full story Gandalf does a complicated spell that leaves both Bilbo and Smaug dizzy but in their own bodies, but due to Smaug's dizziness he falls and crushes Bilbo and things start again.

**CH 17 L 21 **Bilbo and Smaug agree to never speak of the previous life again and get to work on brainstorming new ideas to break the cycle. They eventually call in the White Counsel for help. To expedite conversation, Smaug shifts into him more human form. This pisses Bilbo off because he didn't know Smaug could do that. Smaug says Bilbo never asked. Bilbo accidentally kills Smaug in his rage.

**CH 18 L 22 **The pair once again summon the White Counsel and get to work. They decide they need to purify the Ring of Saron's presence before they can remove the Curse for good. They do a Ritual to cleanse the Ring and banish Saron from the Word for good, it leaves Sarumon dead, Lady Galadriel completely drained of all Magic and everyone else exhausted but it worked as far as they could tell. The Curse is once again removed and all agree that both Smaug and Bilbo should try to live as long as possible to ensure the lingering effects of the Ring have fully dissipated before they risk it not having done so.

Near a thousand years later a very frail and old Bilbo lays dying in his bed in Erebor, Smaug by his side as the two have become... not friends, but no longer enemies over the long years they have known each other. Bilbo dies with the full expectation to never wake up again as Smaug looks on impassively at finally being rid of the annoyance that he's never been able to get rid of and has been forced to find and feel respect for finally leaves him.

**CH 19 L 23 **Yavanna shakes her head at her husband even as he laughs at the twins screams of frustration from his favorite playthings on the World below as they woke up once more to find themselves still bound together, she'll admit that it had been funny at first but now it was just getting cruel.


End file.
